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Friday, November 29, 2013

20 things single women hate

1) Any kind of "shower" other than the one to wash your hair. Baby, wedding, bridal, couples...ugh

2) Having to drive everywhere. Being single, you don't have a guy to drive to places and save you gas money.

3) The front of your fridge full of nothing but wedding invitations; and not knowing whether or not to check "and guest" because you are not sure if you can find a date.

4) Not getting presents for any other reason but Christmas and your birthday.

5) Having to lift heavy objects; or worse, move.

6) When your coupled friends say "we" instead of "I".

7) Not getting "it" on the reg.

8) 3rd wheel, 5th wheel, 7th wheel, and so on and so forth

9) Buying vegetables. You have to eat a family servings worth of asparagus in 3 damn days before it goes bad. That also goes for cooking for one in general.

10) Checking out at the store and having 3 items: a frozen dinner, a bottle (or 2) of wine and tampons. A little piece of your soul dies when you realize tampons are the most expensive item; and when the checkout person looks at you like they feel sorry for you.

11) Having to spend your hard earned money on gifts for other's happiness and getting nothing in return.

12) The question "Why are you still single?"

13) Family gatherings when you are the only one sans significant other; and the 3rd degree that follows.

14) The holidays

15) Rom-coms...unless you're having, "one of those nights"

16) When you have "girls night" with your girlfriends in relationships and they are on their phones the entire time and/or leave early.

17) Putting air in your tires.

18) Having to look somewhat presentable everywhere you go. You don't want to meet your future husband at the cleaners lookin' a hot mess.

19) When you don't want to get off the couch to get something and you realize you can't yell "hey can you do me a favor" and have to get it yourself. This usually results in just saying screw it, I don't need it that bad.

20) Everyone else who is not single and miserable like you.

Tuesday, November 26, 2013

30 things women want men to know...

Disclaimer: Some content is adult only and although I try to shy away from racy topics, I think these really need to be addressed.

1) Not every girl in the world is Suzie Homemaker; some of us can't cook; but most are willing to learn if/when we need to care for someone other than ourselves.

2) There is a difference between "messy" and "dirty".

3) Not all women expect a relationship to blossom from a fling. Some even prefer it doesn't.

4) How much effort it takes to look good for YOU. Hair, makeup, nails, body hair maintenance. So do not complain when we take a long time to get ready. You like the natural look? We will give you the "natural" look and see how that works out.

5) We don't expect you to spend your life savings on dates. It's the thought that counts.

6) We do not "get off" from tampons.

7) We appreciate other women's beauty.

8) We are all crazy. So don't act shocked when this happens.

9) Nice guys don't always finish last.

10) Women want sex just as much as men; sometimes even more.

11) We are completely aware of your code "come cuddle" or "come over and watch a movie". Most women also use that same code.

12) We go to the bathroom in pairs/groups for multiple reasons. The top two are to talk about you and to borrow make-up.

13)  We WILL talk about our relationships in detail to our best friends, so get over it.

14) Most women are willing to pay; just don't expect us to.

15) We talk about as much gross stuff with our girlfriends as guys do. Maybe even grosser.

16) Sex should last a MAXIMUM of 45 minutes and a minimum of 15.

17) If you have a password or lock on your phone, you're hiding something and we will find out...refer back to #8.

18) Your "package", by itself, does nothing for us.....

19) We can't get away with jeans and a polo everywhere so if you ask us to do something, give us the proper dress code.

20) Most women hate talking on the phone as much as you do.

21) We like when other girls try to flirt with our men. Yeah we may seem pissed, but inside we are actually smiling that we have what someone else wanted. As long as YOU MEN don't cross the line.

22) Gym clothes/ casual basketball shorts and a t-shirt and hats are the sexiest thing a guy can wear.

23) We need our space too.

24) Fixing things for us; around the house, cars, is the biggest turn on.

25) If something is bothering you about a woman, no matter how petty, tell her. We would much rather know you loathe our perfume rather than break up with us randomly because of that.

26) No woman likes "69" one.

27) We spend a ton of money on our hair. Even though you may think it looks the same, you get what you pay for; go ahead send your girl to get a $30 cut and color and see what happens.

28) No matter what you say or do, if she is not attracted to you; you're out.

29) Women can have male friends without ever being sexually attracted to them. Men can't. Men have to get over the "I wanna sleep with you" threshold before they can be just friends with a female.

30) All women are different. We are not your ex, your mother, your sister. So if you have had a bad experience with women in the past, take a minute and get to know us.

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