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Wednesday, February 12, 2014

11 Facts About Valentine's Day that will Make you Rethink those Flowers and Chocolates you have on Pre-Order

Some facts you may not know about Valentine's Day that makes you actually happy about NOT participating...

1)   Valentine’s Day actually goes back to an ancient Roman fertility festival called “Lupercalia”. This festival started with an animal sacrifice then the beating and slapping of women with the animal parts for “fertility”. Nothing says “I love you" more than getting slapped with animal carcass.

2)   In mid February the Christian church wanted to “Christianize” the festival and did so on February 14. That is when Pope Gelacious declared February 14th St. Valentines Day.

3)   There were many St. Valentines back then and therefore no single one can be tied to and named THE Saint Valentine.

4)   There was, however a St. Valentine under the ruling of Claudious II. Claudious II's battle tactics were brutal; making his soldiers abandon their families for a long period of time….way to go Claud. He eventually banned marriages because he believed single men made better soldiers (haha ok).

5)   Well Father Valentine wasn't having it and continues to wed couples secretly. Well good ol’ Claud found out about this and sentenced him to death.

6)   Father Valentine is believed to have fallen in love with his jailer's daughter, and on February 14th, the day he was executed; he wrote a note to his love signed “Your Valentine”. Voala! Now we have the “holiday of love” that started with animal sacrifice, beating of women, a sexist ruler and an execution. 

More sweets for my sweets…

1)   1 billion Valentine’s Day cards are sold every year, that is more than every other holiday except Christmas.

2)   35 million heart-shaped boxes of chocolates are sold ever year (and probably never eaten because those are gross)

3)    220 million roses are also sold each year…..220 million? Are you joking? Times that by the cost of flowers and we could probably solve America’s debt; and no red roses men...just don't be that guy.

4)   Thinking you’re sweet and clever proposing on Valentine’s Day? Think again, over 6 million couples get engaged on February 14…sorry boutcha.

5)   On average American’s spend about 20 billion dollars on Valentine’s Day each year….slow clap for you America; flushing money down the toilet on a commercial holiday every year instead of paying off your credit card bills. This is my shocked face.................

With this being said, for all you singles out there that loathe this day; just remember it’s not so bad. Actually, the ones who DO partake in this ridiculous, made-up day to “celebrate love” are the ones that are losing in this situation. Happy Valentine’s Day J

Saturday, February 1, 2014

How do You Define Success?

Throughout my tumultuous, fantastic, tough, beautiful, 29 years of life I have gathered some sacred knowledge I would like to share with the world. Okay, let’s be real, I have no credentials to be talking about this but I am going to say my piece. This is deep so get ready…

How hard is it to actually be happy? I am simplistic so a bottle or 12 of wine and some cheese fries do the trick for me immediately. However some people just can’t find happiness no matter how hard they try. Everyone is different, everyone is beautiful, some people just plain suck. Cold. Hard. Truth. I have lived my life trying to find the good in things and people and the best thing I have ever done is realizing that sometimes, that just won’t happen. Period. Things suck, people suck, circumstances suck; but I DON’T; and that is all you need to get into the bubble of happiness.

For example, if you feel yourself lonely or sad; watch a commercial featuring Sarah McLaughlin. That will make you understand things could be worse.  If you find yourself the only single one out of your friends…understand your time will come (no pun intended). If you aren't happy with your job or life in general, only YOU have the power to change it; so stop making excuses and just go for it! What do you have to lose? What are you scared of?  Rejection? Coming from someone that is rejected pretty much 78% of the time, trust me you get used to it. What is brilliant is, when you expect rejection and get acceptance, it’s like finding a $20 bill in the pocket of your jeans; totally unexpected but appreciated. Plus, those people that say no can go play in traffic during rush hour on 635 while sipping their soy latte dreading going home to their miserable life after their miserable job.

Success is relative; and every person has a different definition of success. Some find success monetarily; others in “rank” or working your way up. All of the above are great definitions of success…but what does success mean to you? My unsolicited definition of success is happiness within YOU. Broke, rich, good looking, etc; as long as your heart is content, that is YOUR success.

Don’t let others control your emotions. Don’t judge others for their life decisions even though you might not agree. That’s the beauty of being an individual. Don’t let anyone EVER tell you you aren’t good enough; because passion and drive can take you places the dude in the tailored suit would never be able to take you. Most importantly, BELIEVE IN YOURSELF. Don’t go all Kanye and throw the Richter scale of arrogance into overload; but be confident and DO NOT EVER settle. Dreams never die. No matter what your true passion in your heart of hearts is, it will be with you always. Don’t let it go to waste. You don’t want to wake up old and decrepit one day asking yourself why you never tried to sing in front of people; you probably can’t even remember what a song is at this point.

So the moral of this story is just to believe and take chances. Life is short and sadly we have been raised in a society where we work to live not live to work; and work isn’t work if you love what you are doing. Even if for a split second you get to live out a dream; make it happen. Don’t be afraid. Job wise, relationship wise, buying the weird vest you saw at Banana Republic. Regret is arguably the worst emotion anyone could possibly feel. **Please note I am IN NO WAY promoting YOLO…you have responsibilities, you’re an adult. Read this for what it is.

You are you for a reason. Rock that slosh beanie, wear some hooker heals to a bar..WHO CARES!?!?! The key to happiness is you. That’s it.

Ooook soooo putting the wine down now…. Hashtag wine induced insight.

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