7 Internal Battles Everyone "Adulting" Faces, Answered

7 Internal Battles and Answers While  “Adulting”

1) Am I on the right path in life? The answer is sure. No one really knows the answer to this question except for the God of your choosing.  Even if you have moments where you question what you are doing in life, you’re still on the right path. Every experience in life, whether good or bad, teaches a lesson. Unless you have a life threatening addiction or you’re involved with something illegal, where you are now is exactly where you are supposed to be.

2) Is he/she “the one”? Listen, if you have to question this, they, most likely, are not...right now. That doesn’t mean you should end things. I am a firm believer of the incredible overuse of that term and also in the fact that just because you may be unsure now, doesn’t mean you won’t be later. Every relationship has their ups and downs but there is NO RUSH, I REPEAT, NO RUSH to take the next step if you aren’t ready. I hear divorce involves A LOT of paperwork.

3) Am I making my parents proud? Yes. No matter what you do, who you become, where you work or whom you may love, your parents will AWAYS be proud of you.  They are required to love you.  The problem a lot of people have is doing things IN ORDER to make their parents proud. Don’t think about what anyone thinks when going for a goal or doing you; especially your parents. We all want to make our parents proud but the thing is, they have been and will always be your biggest fans.

4) Am I settling? Probably, but that’s not necessarily a bad thing. I mean, the pilgrims “settled” in America right? Or something like that, my 5^th grade History teacher was drunk 90% of time, I am pretty sure. The point is, the word “settling” can have such a negative connotation that it makes us contemplate our existence when brought up. Everybody settles at some point in their lives, it’s just the way it is. When used in this context it usually means we are restless with the state in our lives.  Not everyone can be Justin Bieber or Kanye; except Kanye, he can be whatever Kanye so chooses.  Let’s be real, now-a-days, if you have a steady paycheck and a credit score above 600, you’ve made it. However, if you are like me and are too stubborn to give up your dream even while living off of hand-me-downs and Raman, DON’T settle! I am not saying up and quit your job and train to be in the NBA, but, realistically, don’t give up and take tiny steps every day to reach your goal.

5) Will I ever get out of debt? Well, I got nothin’ on this one. I am more than negative Nancy here so all I can say is, I’ll send good vibes; and go talk to a credit counselor.

6) Am I experiencing “FOMO”? For those who don’t know, and/or do not watch the best show on TV, Broad City; “FOMO” is the “FEAR OF MISSING OUT”. The answer to this question is, yes you are experiencing it; but you’re not really missing out. Unless you had to work and your best friend hung out with J-Lo or Michael Jordan while at the concert he or she invited you to, you aren’t missing anything. So you won’t be involved in an epic beer pong tourney or be there to physically witness Jake stick seven carrots up his nose. At least you were able to get a precious little thing we all treasure called sleep. Don’t take that for granted. Plus, the best is yet to come and you will NEVER miss out on the BEST. (That was me trying to be insightful….)

7) Am I too old for this? Yes, yes, yes you are. When adulting, you are too old for everything except a nursing home. At least that is how it feels. Unfortunately, us elders can’t do what we did in college. We can’t sleep until three, wear beat to crap clothes and pretend it’s some kind of liberating movement or not go to class because “we’re paying for it”.  We have to wake up early, to go to work and look nice, to be able to earn money to pay for things. There aren’t really any excuses while adulting.  This is life ya’ll.

Adulting isn’t all rainbows and butterflies but it has its perks. You can’t go back in time so make the best of the now! Before you know it life will circle back and you will be right back “childing”. It’s ok to have fun and set the adult in you aside for a few hours. Wear a crop top (if suited), drink on a Tuesday, and take a vacation. Just remember your cable bill is due on the 15^th….just saying.

15 Things Millennials Need to Stop Doing Right Now

     I know, technically, my age group is a "Millennial" but this is a very hard thing for me to grasp. I am 31, (old as dirt, I get it); and even I catch myself saying, "kids today...". For real though, anyone who classifies themselves as a "Millennial" pay attention!

     1) Stop taking life seriously. This isn’t totally the fault of Millennials. By the time you are 17, you are up against a wall asked to choose your life path or die. That is absolutely absurd. However, ya’ll need to stop buying into that crap because in reality, no one knows what the hell they are going to be when they grow up until they face 30k in debt, discontent with their jobs/life and/or contemplating living on an island and selling coconuts. Just have fun until you are forced to pay rent.

     2) Stop bitching about stupid shit. Ok, so your roommate used your shampoo, or your “bae” didn’t text you back………guess what? LIFE. GOES. ON. Buy NEW SHAMPOO, GET A NEW BOO; this isn’t rocket science. Pick your battles because when you’re old you realize how much time and energy you wasted on unnecessary drama, your petty annoyances are the least of my concern. Oh, and if you REALLY want to get into semantics on stupid stuff, you owe me $13.36 for that lunch that one time at that one place...

          3) Stop bitching about shit you can absolutely change. You hate your job? FIND A NEW ONE. Your friend is doing or saying something you don't like, don't bitch about them to other people, TALK TO THEM.  You’re not making enough money, GET A SECOND INCOME AND FIGURE IT OUT. Complaining is like nails on a chalkboard; not to say you are not allowed to voice your grievances, but constantly complaining…just stop. My dad used to tell me you could either smile and face the situation or be mad and face the situation; either way you have to face the situation. This is so true. If you are not happy with something in your life, only YOU have the power to change. Don’t expect anything to change for you.

          4) Stop bitching about shit…in general. Whether it be your relationship, your friendship, politics, how bad TV is, your hair, your job, your slow wifi connection…JUST SHUT UP. Understand how EFFING privileged and blessed we are, regardless of socio-economic status to just have a dang roof over our heads. Just remember, if you think you have it bad, there is always someone who has it worse.

    5) Stop feeling entitled. HAHA I love this. So you think you can just graduate college and walk into a job that pays 50k? THINK AGAIN! You may be the most brilliant, talented person at your specialty, but the cruel reality is, you need to EARN the money you are given. Well, you SHOULD earn the money you are given. No one owes you anything. In fact, you are probably indebted to someone.  Also, stop expecting people to automatically give you the respect you think you deserve. Remember, you DESERVE nothing; give respect and you will receive respect.  Those of you spoon fed by parents, a sugar daddy, what have you, disregard. Even at 31, with a genius IQ, dual Bachelors degree and 10 years of experience, I am selling used cars. Yeah, you let me know when you find that hand out so I can sign up…

    6) Stop feeding into societal stigmas. You don’t want to be called a dumb "millennial",  do everything you can to prove them wrong. You don’t want to be called lazy, don’t be lazy, you don’t want to be “labeled”, STOP USING THE WORD “LABEL”. Be better than what others think you may be. 

    7) Stop caring about what others think. Going along with the above, this is the most clichéd, yet true, statement I have come to learn and love. I could give two you-know-whats about what others think about me; yet I do care how I present myself. Two different things. Take pride in who you are; which doesn’t mean finding the  nearest protest or taking to Facebook to update your status with your “strong opinions” on an election you know nothing about. Be yourself and love yourself  but remember perception is reality.

         8) Stop taking the small things for granted. If someone at work changes the toilet paper roll, thank him or her. If your mom pays a month of rent because she knows your hopes of getting that 50k job out of college are dead, thank her. If someone does anything nice for you, whatever it may be, THANK THEM. The words “Thank you”, are so incredibly powerful and can honestly change lives. Also, just BE NICE to people. Respect others, live by The Golden Rule. Those of you who don't know what The Golden Rule is, "Treat others the way you want to be treated". Always be kind, pay it forward and live everyday as a blessing, not as a way of life. Keep in mind it can all be taken away in a split second.

         9) Stop depending on others. Here is a little wake up call for all you early 20’s kiddos, NO ONE BUT YOUR PARENTS LOVES YOU NO MATTER WHAT. Sometimes not even that. At the end of the day YOU are who takes care of YOU. Learn how to change a tire, how to cook, how to spoon feed yourself; when you get to be in your 30’s and start to weed out people in your life because you have to, you will be lost if you don’t know simple life skills they were providing for you. 

  10) Stop spending money on stuff you can’t afford and pay attention to your credit score. Self-explanatory. My credit score basically says I exist and funny enough, I have no student loans, no mortgage and have never owned a credit card. I was just an IDIOT about putting bills off. Don’t be me…seriously. You don't realize how much credit matters until you are on your own. Stop putting spring break trips on credit, start saving money, buy what you NEED not what you want. I wish someone would have told me this 10 years ago. A little treat yoself is ok now and then but buying an $80,000 car when you can barely make your rent payment is just a bad decision.
   

        11)  Stop relying on autocorrect. As I click the red squiggly line under “autocorrect”. Ironic. Learn to punctuate and spell correctly. Please don’t let society actually become like the movie “Idiocracy”. It really should be common knowledge how to spell “believe”; and understand “i before e except after c”, but common knowledge isn’t that common anymore. If NOTHING else please, I am begging all of ya’ll (I am from Texas I can say that), know the difference between “your” and you’re”, and “there”, their” and they’re”. Just please.

 12) Stop being selfish. It is ok to be selfish every now and then but something as simple as NOT BEING ON TIME when you say you will, is 110% selfish. Start being more empathetic…#realtalk

 13) Stop one-upping. Ok, so your friend snowboarded down a double black, now you climbed Mount Everest? No. What are you trying to prove exactly? Talent is silence.

       14) Stop speaking uneducated.  If you honestly have no clue what the hell the policies of the Democratic GOP nom is, Don’t TALK ABOUT IT! Ya’ll have Google now, you can literally get edumacated in five seconds.

 15) Say what you mean and mean what you say. Don’t be scared to voice an opinion, but OWN IT. Speak up, but have ammo to back it up. Don’t be someone you are not, EVER. You save a lot of time and effort realizing who loves you for you and who sucks.

10 Questions Every 30-Something Needs to Ask Themselves

1) What is my “number”? Let’s be real, at 31, you may or may not have a good idea as to what that “number” is; so, you do the math. Literally.  Stretch those typin’ fingers ladies and gents and get to adding. There are multiple reasons why you should at least be in the ballpark getting a hotdog and not just now pulling up to the stadium. It’s time to face to number(s).

2) Why did I ever think wearing this was ok? Time to do a little spring cleaning! Now that you aren’t just 30, you are IN your 30’s, that neon yellow halter top and/or that chain wallet need to be laid to rest. Just burn them; the needy have been through enough…

3) Are they real friends? This seems to be the question of the Sphinx in your 30’s. You feel bad for just CTL+ALT+DELETE’ing people that have been in your life for eons, but then again ,you can’t exactly figure out why they are in your life at all. If people are still around and you honestly cannot come up with a SINGLE way they enhance your life, time to cut the cord. (If I wasn’t self-admittedly old balls by now, please re-read this horrifically vintage and not in a cool way, paragraph. CTL+ALT DELETE? I use a Mac?)

4) Am I taking care of myself? Like really? I snarked at this too when I was 25 but now, the overzealous microscope of a mirror literally won’t let me anymore. We are getting OLDER and that’s what happens in life…or so I am told. So when you just decide not to wash your face at night, get that double decker beefy gordita or drink like you just turned 21, understand our bodies will not react the way the did 10 years ago.  You won’t be happy when you see your fat, wrinkly, hungover ass underneath fluorescent lighting…trust me.

5) What time is it? No really what time is it…

6) Why am I still letting my past get to me? Whether it be an ex girlfriend/boyfriend, job, mistake made, the past is the past for a reason. Put whatever it is you are harping on in a Walgreens bag, tie it up and bury it because that BS is for your 20’s…you have shit to do today so quit whining and go check your credit score.

7) What is my passion? I am not talking in bed you dirty bastards. What do you LOVE? What are you good….AT? What is something you would do with your time if you hit the jackpot, already traveled the world and needed something to do with your hands? If you are going through the motions of life, what the hell kind of life is that? You’re literally on the downward slope towards death, so might as well live for now and enjoy the ride! Live a life you want, not a life you are “SUPPOSED” to have. Por ejemplo, My passion is sports, talking and writing…I will annoy the shit out of everyone someday on a global level; mark my words.

8) Why am I always so tired? Ok, so this one isn’t something you should really ask yourself. I am thinking out loud…welcome to Thirty One Shades of Tourette’s!!

9) Why do I care what people think? I can’t get over how many people my age still give a rat’s ass. WHYYYYYY!?!?!? No really, riddle me that; because I CLEARLY do not get it. Please, for the love of GOD ask yourself, right now, why?. Whatcha got? Would love to hear your answers. I get making a good impression at work, or to the in-laws, or your future husband yada yada; but I have a better idea! BE EXACTLY WHO YOU ARE YOU SCHIZOPHRENIC WEIRDO! PEOPLE LOVE YOU (shockingly) THE WAY YOU ARE!!!!

10) When was the last time I was TRULY happy? Am I now? If you are, mazel tov; teach me how to dougie. You give hope to us miserable souls lurking out here lost and drinking whiskey. If you're like a normal human being, wondering what happiness is, let’s figure out how to get there. I mean, 31 is an entirely different age bracket on the majority of surveys…just saying it’s about time we get it together and smile without forcefully (yet willingly) watching a James Franco movie…

Welp, Christmas came early for you folks bringing this old thing back up…and you’re welcome ;). Couldn’t be more surprised if I woke up with my head sewn to the carpet—Cheers!

10 Unconventional Ways To Get Rid Of "Stress" In 2015

I have been on a bit of a hiatus on my blog…wait for it…#KTDB. Yup, it’s a thing now; it’s hashtagged AND abrevied. I just decided to pursue other ventures like becoming an author, (and thank you to EVERYONE who supported that! It’s still out there so go get it), representing a musician who is going to change the world (eh hem Christy Paige), and realizing and becoming truth to myself. Yeah I know, super deep shit. 

However, I know, in all reality, no one reads things that aren’t in list form so I have learned to adapt. We all feel the sting of stress every day; and those who say they do not, well, mazel because you must be blessed by a Shaman or something. Whether it be money, or relationships, family, friends, old age, a broken Rolex, cooking the scallops too long or not having enough gigs on your phone; we’ve all been there. Now, you can’t say I never taught you anything because I have been through all of the above; except broken Rolex...all of mine work famously (baha).

All kidding aside here are 10 unconventional ways to alleviate the "stress" in our every day lives.

10) Breathe Deeply…THEN GET THE FUCK UP.  We get it, “woosaahhh” “Namaste” blah blah. Ok, I’m freakin’ out here man and you are telling me to breathe?! Well, yeah, because it does actually help. Screw all that other crap if you literally just calm down and take a hot second to breathe in and out. You will feel some of that stress go away. Hey, it’s a start.

9)  Get dressed up and go out on a weekday. Even if you have no one to go out with, just…do it. It is amazing how much better you feel just, like, ya know, taking a shower? In all reality we all feel more secure and comfortable when we are secure and comfortable with our physical appearance so why not get all fancy on a week night and have a glass of wine or a scotch at a local bar? If you don’t drink go see a movie or something. Once you feel like you can’t stop, won’t stop uh uh uh uh, then you will start to feel like yourself again. #itsgoinuponatuesday (lmk if I go too far on the hashtags or abrievs).

8) Watch Funny YouTube Videos: Have you seriously seen funny cat videos?  I was so anti-cat  vids until my ex boyfriend got me to actually sit and watch one until I almost peed my pants. If you want something to turn that frown upside down this will certainly do the trick. If you aren’t into cat vids or you’ve run out let me suggest the following:

            -“It is 91,000 damn degrees”

            - “Shit No One Says”

            -Darren Sharper: Hold Mah Dick”

            -Anything with Jimmy Fallon and Justin Timbkerlake

7) Rap/Flow. No, I don’t think I am a “Rap God” ; however what a spoon full of sugar this art form can be. If you don’t like doing it in front of anyone just put on Lil’ Wayne’s “3-Peat” Instrumental and take to the flow floor. You may surprise yourself! Saying what you are feeling in rap form makes it a hell of a lot easier than actually speaking and/or writing. You’re emotional but yet badass. Watch the stress disappear…yes? See how this works?

6) Drive Around. Take to the open road when you feel that wicked witch of the stress come about. Roll the windows down, put on your favorite jams and just drive. Even if you don’t have a destination it doesn’t matter. Take 15 minutes to just drive! Especially when you’re feeling alone and/or suffocated. It’s contradictory but just trust me on this one.

5) Take Stupid Online Quizzes. OF COURSE I want to know what my spirit animal is! I will find myself with stupid ass online quizzes that are like crack. I try to put it down but then I start itching and I can’t go to bed without knowing who my celeb husband is; cough cough Channing Tatum. This mind-numbing activity will actually take your mind off of reality. It won’t cure it, but at least you can rest easy knowing that your lucky number is 11 and your lucky color is DEFINITELY purple.

4) PUT THE PHONE DOWN AND STEP AWAY FROM IT SLOWLY: This is self-explanatory. Whomever you are needing to talk to RIGHT NOW, probably doesn’t want to talk to you; OR they are busy following this list as well. Chances are, they've had a shitty, stressful day too so why add to the pile? Just, shhhh-shhhhhhhhhhhh.

3) Walk. Even if it is not far, walking can be very mind-freeing. Literally walk down to your car or across the street and back or around the block; take a second to use your limbs and senses. In case you missed it in second grade, trees create oxygen, which helps us, STAY ALIVE. Read a fucking book.

2) Learn Something…ANYTHING. Quite literally anything. A language, the reason squirrels like nuts; it doesn’t matter. You are taking your mind off of whatever you are dealing with and filling it with something of depth. Regardless of how trivial it may seem; it's knowledge, which is always, power. Refer to #3.

1)  Be Grateful.  I have found that during my time of deep stress, I will take a minute and say three things I am grateful for. If you really practice this, you will begin to realize the INCREDIBLE amount of beauty that surrounds you and that this temporary “ick”  feeling will be gone eventually. You can’t have rainbows without the rain!!!

Ya'll, life is beautiful so cherish every moment. Live, LAUGH and LOVE. Seriously... ;) Cheers!

Things Young, Successful Dudes Say

“That was a great idea, I am definitely sharing that on Google docs”

“Dude was wearing Armani… definitely gay.”

“I have to check with my lawyer first.”

 “Yo man I need to borrow your shoe polish, I’m out.”

“I was still drunk in my meeting this morning I fired Hank.”

“Yeah I’ll come over, you DO have Apple TV right?”

“My Mercedes blew up because it had grammatical errors.”

“Please don’t get wine on my Banana Republic jacket.”

“Sorry the place is a mess, the maid doesn’t come until tomorrow.”

“He pronounced patronize PAT-TRON-IZE…it’s a long “a” bro.”

“I’ll bet you $500 in cash right now I can jump this fence.”

“I am so sore from that deep tissue massage yesterday.”

“He is not qualified, he didn’t even wear a custom suit.”

“Girl, your toes are ratchet here’s some money, get a pedicure.”

"Google me."

“Who’s all there? Is it poppin’, let’s just get a table.”

“$345 for a bottle of Grey Goose…ha that’s a steal.”

“Can you roll your window up? It’s messing up my hair.”

“She doesn’t have to be smart, just coherent.”

“Then I found out she had a PC…..”

"Why are you asking where it is? You have Google maps don't you?"

“My phone died.”

“I have to charge my phone.”

“Does the bar have an iPhone 5 charger?”

"I have to go buy a charger."

“Do you have a charger?”

“My phone is literally about to die.”

“I met her on Tinder.”

Believe Half of What You See and Nothing of What You Hear

‘

Have ya’ll ever played the game “Telephone”? If you attended any form of summer camp, played any sport, or take a form of anti-depressant, I am sure you have. For those that probably never played with the amazingness that was the colored parachute either, I will explain briefly. Telephone is a game where a group of people sit in a circle and one person starts out whispering a sentence to the person sitting next to them and so on and so forth. Simplistically, the goal is to get the last person to hear the sentence after completing the circle to repeat verbatim how the original sentence was stated. Sounds easy right? How many of you that have partaken in this activity had the person at the end actually say it correctly? I am going to go ahead and say zero to five.

The very obvious undertone of this silly game was how quickly something, passing from ear to ear, can get turned into something 100% different. The lesson…gossip. Most associate gossip with their teenage years when it seemed as though the world was ending if you got in a fight with a friend or boyfriend or people had a negative perception of you; as it turns out, even in adulthood gossip exists…and is even worse.

9 times out of 10 whatever you hear via a third party about a person is false. Albeit probably stemming from some kind of truth; the more ears that try and interpret whatever may be said, the more twisted it gets.

Why, as grown men and women, do we feel the need to talk about others negatively? Let me interject my own writing and say I am guilty of this too; however nothing I say behind anyone’s back I haven’t either already said to their face or wouldn't say to their face. Let’s say I am playing Devil’s advocate here. What are the REAL reasons people feel the need to speak on people without hearing any of what they are repeating from the horse’s mouth? Is society that desperate for conversation people have to find common ground by conversing about the bad things they've heard or THOUGHT they've seen regarding another person? Are people really that malicious they would legitimately go out of their way to smear someone’s name?  Have we lost sight of “if you don’t have anything nice to say don’t say anything at all”? The answer is yes.

Think about your conversations with your friends; do you talk about politics, movies, current events? Probably; but compare that to how often you speak about other people. Be it friends, enemies, boyfriends, family etc. Personally, it’s shocking to actually examine the amount of time we spend talking about other people; whether good or bad. The gossip and negative statements however seem to trump the positive statements about people while around others. Why? Because “they’re great” isn't interesting. “Blah Blah slept with so and so” is interesting. Why do you think the media never tells stories about how Johnny Manziel gave his only ticket to the green room during the draft to a 5 yr old boy who is suffering from cancer he’s been visiting for years? Borrrrring. (it’s true by the way). How sad is it that good is boring? People would rather talk about him getting arrested…in which is a perfect example of believe nothing of what you hear and only half of what you see. People want to hear juicy gossip, not your opinion on Boehner's lawsuit on Obama.

Some people don’t understand the effects of gossip. Young people are literally killing themselves over it, As adults, a “bad reputation” could cost you friends, relationships, jobs even…so why are we putting each other through this? Yeah so and so may have made a mistake or what not; guess what…we all make a million mistakes every day. Some people think it’s just their town or city and once they move it will go away…it never goes away. People will always talk. Period.

My point is this, be yourself, that’s all you can do. If people say things about you either own it,  set the record straight or turn the other cheek; it’s not worth getting upset over because there really isn’t anything you can do to change it, except be honest. The other half to this point I am carrying on way too long is limit the negative talk about people if you don’t know actual facts. I get trying to protect a brother or sister or friends from someone you “heard” wasn’t a great person. Let’s be honest, we are adults, we make our own decisions and own judgments; get to know a person before you repeat something that has gone through the telephone. You never know if whatever hearsay you are repeating could damage a person’s life in a big way; because unfortunately, people don’t take in to consideration the reverse distillation of gossip.

Be kind…rewind.

15 Things NOT to Do at a Bar......

Since it is Saturday night and after being in the service industry on and off since 16 yrs old, I figured this was the perfect time for this list…yes, list. Especially because writing makes very little money and I am back in the server saddle on the weekends.

1)      Don’t ask the bartenders for some made up shot then get mad when they ask what it is. You made it up…or some other bartender made it up. Chances are they will put whatever they feel like in it and charge you extra for being a jackass.

2)      Don’t act like you are better than the employees at the establishment. THEY are working while YOU are drinking. They don’t come into your office and treat you like a minion so don’t do it to them.

3)      Don’t cry. You are at a bar. In public. If you feel that lump in your throat, go to the bathroom…or your therapist.

4)      Don’t ask how much a drink costs. Trust me, I do this all the time but am trying to stop. Straight up, it makes you look cheap. If you are out you are probably going to spend money…SHOCKER.

5)      If you can’t find your card don’t automatically assume the bar lost it. You are drinking, probably hitting on a 4 or worse…who has better odds of losing a credit card here?

6)      Don’t go up to the bar and wait then take a million and seven hours to decide what you want. What exactly have you been doing for 5 minutes?

7)      Don’t fight. Just don’t. Bars have bouncers that are exponentially bigger than you and the only reason why they aren’t putting you in the hospital is because that is illegal.

8)      Don’t pay in change………..

9)      If you are at a speed bar NEVER NEVER order a Chilton, Manhattan or Mojito; amongst other complicated concoctions. We have things to do.

10)   Don’t order 65 drinks at once. Bartenders legally can only serve two (in Texas) at a time; consider it nice if they give you more.

11)   Don’t cross the line when flirting with bar employees. Whether it be bartenders, door guys etc. Flirting is perfectly acceptable; it’s part of the job. However if you sit by their well all night long detouring other patrons; you are costing them money.

12)   Don’t ask for free crap. Do you work for free? Neither do we.

13)   Don’t act put off if the bar doesn’t have “your’ drink or shot. It’s a bar, with alcohol….find something else.

14)   Like at the Zoo, do not touch.

15)   Don’t leave zero tip. We remember…trust me. 

20 of the Most Ridiculous Statements About Life People Actually Believe

1It's easy to hear or see a seemingly insightful quote or saying and believe it; we all do it let's be real. Sometimes though, they either make zero sense whatsoever, or they are just absolutely ludicrous. These are 20 statements I find to be the most untrue, ridiculous, brainwashing statements people always tend to think hold water. Which in fact, they hold nothing but your normally smart brains hostage for 5 seconds.

"Work smarter not harder.” How about do both? Hard work IS smart work. 

"I’ll forgive but I won’t forget.” That defeats the whole purpose to forgiveness. If you decide to forgive, let it go and move on.

"I expected…” I am not even sure why this word exists. There is NO SUCH THING as expectations. There is faith in that what you are doing is going to turn out the way you want; but you can never EVER “expect” anything out of anything or anyone. 

"My talent will speak for itself.” Unfortunately boys and girls, your talent won’t always speak. You will lose jobs to people less talented, period. That is the way the world works, however if you see something in yourself that others aren't seeing; figure out a way for people to notice YOU and your talent.

"Everything is a competition.” No it’s not. Stop trying to compete with people who, chances are, don’t even know you are trying to “win.” Just do you. 

" It’s easier to ask forgiveness than permission.” I get that but depending on what this applies to, you probably shouldn’t be doing it in the first place. There is a difference in taking a risk for the better and just doing whatever the hell you want to do because you think “sorry” will cut it. 

"I don’t care, it’s whatever”. Especially when people talk about relationships. You absolutely 100% care or you wouldn’t be talking about it.

 "II can’t” (before trying). Not the white girl saying, but saying you legitimately can’t do something. Yes, you can; at least try.

"He/She isn’t ready.” Says who? Whether it be pertaining to relationships or a job; everyone needs a shot.

"YOLO”. Ummmmm no. This is an excuse to act a fool; and extremely immature and annoying.

"You can do anything you set your mind to.” Although uplifting and the intentions are good, sometimes you can’t do EVERYTHING. I set my mind to play for the Pacers….yeah, not happening.

"The early bird always gets the worm.” No. The early bird is some of the time a kiss ass and a guinea pig. 

"I don’t care what anyone thinks about me.” This is half right; you need to please yourself first not everyone else. However perception is reality and you NEED to care how you present yourself to other people.

"Nobody helped me so why should I help them?” That’s called being a good person. Not to mention Karma is a huge bitch. 

"You don’t know me.” This very well may be true; you may not know someone personally. However in this day and age anyone can “know” you with a click of a mouse.  Refer to # 13. 

"Money doesn’t buy happiness”.  Sometimes it does… 

"No offense.” ….followed by an offensive comment…”But I said no offense.” This goes for “With all due respect” as well. 

"Made me feel/do.” A friend of mine actually gets credit for this because he said to me one day nothing can MAKE you feel or do anything; you have control. You choose your path. 

"I am never….” You aren’t Miss Cleo; you don’t know that. 

"I am who I am” or “He/She is just that way”. First of all just because people know you will ALWAYS be late or ALWAYS be rude is not an excuse to be an A-hole. That may be the scapegoat you have been using all your life but the fact of the matter is, others need to not accept being a jerk as part of someone’s personality. Stop it. 

Narrowed Minds Cause Narrow Hearts

Ok, so this may sound cynical but I have been hearing/reading psycho babble bs on how to be a "woman". First of all, define the term woman? Is this "I am woman hear me roar" type crap, or the "that's not ladylike" verbiage? Second, who is ANYONE to tell us 50 ways to be a "woman"? Pretty sure I learned that in sex ed in high school bro but thanks for the insight. Let's be real, it's 2014 and times are changing. To be a "woman" you have to write thank you notes? Umm ok, 95% sure those go unread and in the trash. Since when did being a "woman" or a man fall into a list of opinions??? The specs for being a "woman" according to these "lists" are quite unattainable these days.  I'm no feminist, and I've been through times where I lost sight of being what a "woman "was. More importantly, I lost sight of me.

So before you all quit reading I'll make you a list... 10 ways to be a "woman"; real talk.

1) Be literate. Just know how to talk good.....

2) Have your OWN opinions.

3) Listen to your heart. There is no stronger muscle in the body.

4) Own up to your mistakes; and fix them.

5) Understand it may IN FACT be you, not them. Identify, analyze, and solve.

6) Believe in something. Anything.

7) Wear heels, or don't. Who cares

8) Open your mind to all the possibilities of life.

9) Teach yourself that perception is reality.

10) Be you. Don't ever feel the NEED to pretend. You're great. Own it Felicia.

11) Be accepting.

Okay, that was eleven. I could go on.

Side note: thank you Bryan S.  and Chasen at Encore Dallas for everything!!!

FAQ About Dating in 2014

As of late, I have come across friends, and even random, women and men that are having a hard time figuring  out the dating game. As much as we all say we HATE games and if it is right it should be easy but here's the deal, it's always a game; no matter how old you are. I have said ad nauseam I give amazing advice but don't take my own; and again, those who can't do teach.

These are questions/situations REAL women and men have come to me with; and I have provided my answers to help navigate this chess game of dating in 2014.

Q) Is it ok for the girl to pay on a first date?

A) No. Never. However, you must always ALWAYS do the fake wallet grab. A couple things about the fake wallet grab; it makes you seem like you don't expect him to pay and is a tell tale sign he is either a good dude or to say bye Felicia. The catch is if he DOES accept your offer you have to be prepared to pay so don't get it twisted. At that point, if he does accept, he's out, move on. Don't push; say "are you sure?" and stop it there. If he is a stand up guy no way is he going to let you pay. UNLESS....you have played "strong, independent, I can do it myself girl" all night. Then, he is probably scared you will lay him out if he doesn't accept.

Q: How long do I wait to contact a girl after the first date?

A) This is 2014 so obviously texting is the standard form of communication. If you had a good time text her that you did have fun after you two part ways. Do not play into the three day rule. Chances are she is over you by then.

Q) Should a guy pick me up?

A) Absolutely not. Unless you know him from a trusted mutual friend. This day and age you never know who these people turn out to be so first and second date, meet him. This is for your safety. For real....and carry mace.. just saying.

Q) What happens if I don't hear from them? 

A) This is so ridiculous I can't. If you want to talk to them DO IT! Don't be excessive or too persistent but if you feel like communicating, no one is stopping you. Don't wait for the other one to do it because they may be feeling the same thing.

Q) She never responded to my text. Why?

A) She's just not that into you...sorry bro.

Q) He never responded to my text. Why?

A) He forgot, sleeping. working, working out, with friends, doing laundry, playing call of duty, too lazy to get his phone off the charger...orrrr he's over you. 

Q) Should I call a girl to ask her on a date?

A) Yes, she most likely won't answer but it's the thought that counts. Don't leave a voicemail then text her that you called to ask her if she wanted to go out...she will appreciate the effort and the awkwardness is eliminated.



Q) I went out with a guy last week and his friend asked me out this week. Should I go out with him?

A: Quite the loaded question. 1) Who do you dig more? 2) How close are they? 3) Did you sleep with the other guy? 4) Did said friend get the ok from original dater? All these questions need to be answered for consideration of dating a friend of a date.  If you're asking this question that means you are contemplating it; ergo that original date didn't do the trick. If it is cool with date number 1 have at it.

Q) When should I introduce him to my parents?

A) When he is sober

Q) What shouldn't we talk about on the first date?

A) Exes, money and your therapist 

Q) How old is too old? (girl)

A) If he qualifies for Medicare...too old

Q) How young is too young? (guy)

A) Depends what state you're in...check ID

Q) The guy I've been seeing is constantly on his phone. What should I tell him? It is so annoying!

A) First of all, this is the most disrespectful thing ANYONE can do while on a date. EVERYONE PUT YOUR PHONE DOWN! Unless you have a family emergency; business can wait, friends can wait, especially social media can wait. However ladies, not going to lie from experience 75% of the time he is texting other women. Watch out.

I hope this helps all you struggling daters out there suffering from these issues. There definitely will be a part 2 to this so stay tuned!

The Shining Effect: Why Girls ACTUALLY Go Crazy in New Relationships.

All girls go through the "freak out" stage when dating someone new. You like someone a lot and you turn into an utter psychopath anaylizing each and every move, phone call, text, new Facebook friend that is a girl. It's natural and we are all guilty of it; but the problem isn't US (ladies).

I was talking to a girlfriend of mine who had a very similar situation I hear about, and am in, way too often. She was dating, YES DATING, this guy that took her out, on mini vacations, to meet his friends; spent the majority of his time with her. Sounds so sweet right? WRONG. After a month or two of dating, he gives her the ol' "I can't give you what you want, you want to date someone and I don't think I am ready." cliche. Her response: "Ummm is that NOT what we were doing???". Men, listen up because you sure do talk a lot of crap about "crazy girls" but I've said this once and I'll say it again...YOU are the idiots that lead us down the path to crazy; and I am here to tell you you may actually pass up an opportunity to land a quality chick because you can't get it together.

Even the most sane woman in the world can go one flew over the coocoo's nest on you if you treat her a certain way. It is like someone poking you over and over and over again until you can't take it anymore; I like to call it The Shining Effect. For those who haven't seen The Shining with Jack Nicholson, see it it will make perfect sense.

Here is the deal, women are in a lose lose situation when it comes to dating someone new they actually like. We don't want to DTR (Define The Relationship) too quickly because we will look crazy and eventually the guy will do it if it is on that track. We also don't want to play hard to get per-say because we really do enjoy spending time with the guy.   I used to be a FIRM believer in not DTR'ing too early but as of late, screw that. Forget the timeline; if you have been spending almost every day with someone doing things couples do...D.T.R.

Ladies it is very easy to understand but for some reason we try to complicate an otherwise elementary concept. Men love their loopholes. When men pull this crap it is the quintessential example of having your cake and eating it too. Why buy the cow right? What is sad, is we know we aren't ourselves, we know we are acting a fool; yet we let ourselves get possessed by a potential suitor's voodoo witchcraft. We will try our hardest to play it cool but we are biologically disposition to be emotional beings; ergo...we turn into a scene from Girl Interrupted. From a personal stand point if I'm dating a guy I will turn into Suzie Homemaker...shocker I know. I will make dinner, clean, take you to sporting events, do your laundry, drive you to the airport at 6am, help you freakin' move #basketcase. The men that take advantage of this clearly don't appreciate a good/down chick and/or do not care.

Men, if you are treating a girl like your girlfriend, why in God's name does it come as a shock to you when they get upset or act in ANYWAY like a girlfriend would? Are you really that ignorant? Dumb question...moving on. Trust me, women are well aware of your BS, but put up with it because that glimmering hope you give us overrides our common sense. When they say "love is blind", that doesn't even cover it; love is blind, deaf AND dumb.

This leads me to unsolicited advice for my girls and you idiot dudes. Girlfriends, let's be real, guys like games and if you want to play ante up. If not, don't. Plain and simple. Say what you feel. If you are anything like me with the gift of gab you won't let it go until you get a satisfactory answer. **Please note: that may never come and I learned from my gay, who is seriously the strongest person ever when it comes to this; to just shut up and let it go.

For you men, do not, I repeat DO NOT treat a girl like a girlfriend if you have zero intention of that happening. Don't let her meet your friends, share intimate getaways together, spend every day together. In all reality if a girl does go cray cray that means she actually gives two you-know-whats about you and cares what you think. She cares enough to make sure she doesn't do anything to hurt your feelings so show homegirl the same respect. I give MAD props to the dudes that have straight up told me, "Look, I am really concentrated on my career but I love hanging with you.", right off the bat. If the girl is smart she will get it and make a decision then and there. Don't lead her to believe something that in YOUR head is completely outlandish and false as your actions say something 100% different.

All women are different, some may legitimately be nutso; but the majority aren't. One tangible way to judge is if your friends like her. You think they have a good judge of character they're your friends so trust them. The next time you meet a girl and want to see how far you can push it; be careful because you will either create a monster, pass up a great girl OR get a certified looney toon; and that will probably not bode well for you.

And ladies, they will regret it...they always do..... :)

Sincerely,
Disoriented in Dallas