10 Unconventional Ways To Get Rid Of "Stress" In 2015

I have been on a bit of a hiatus on my blog…wait for it…#KTDB. Yup, it’s a thing now; it’s hashtagged AND abrevied. I just decided to pursue other ventures like becoming an author, (and thank you to EVERYONE who supported that! It’s still out there so go get it), representing a musician who is going to change the world (eh hem Christy Paige), and realizing and becoming truth to myself. Yeah I know, super deep shit. 

However, I know, in all reality, no one reads things that aren’t in list form so I have learned to adapt. We all feel the sting of stress every day; and those who say they do not, well, mazel because you must be blessed by a Shaman or something. Whether it be money, or relationships, family, friends, old age, a broken Rolex, cooking the scallops too long or not having enough gigs on your phone; we’ve all been there. Now, you can’t say I never taught you anything because I have been through all of the above; except broken Rolex...all of mine work famously (baha).

All kidding aside here are 10 unconventional ways to alleviate the "stress" in our every day lives.

10) Breathe Deeply…THEN GET THE FUCK UP.  We get it, “woosaahhh” “Namaste” blah blah. Ok, I’m freakin’ out here man and you are telling me to breathe?! Well, yeah, because it does actually help. Screw all that other crap if you literally just calm down and take a hot second to breathe in and out. You will feel some of that stress go away. Hey, it’s a start.

9)  Get dressed up and go out on a weekday. Even if you have no one to go out with, just…do it. It is amazing how much better you feel just, like, ya know, taking a shower? In all reality we all feel more secure and comfortable when we are secure and comfortable with our physical appearance so why not get all fancy on a week night and have a glass of wine or a scotch at a local bar? If you don’t drink go see a movie or something. Once you feel like you can’t stop, won’t stop uh uh uh uh, then you will start to feel like yourself again. #itsgoinuponatuesday (lmk if I go too far on the hashtags or abrievs).

8) Watch Funny YouTube Videos: Have you seriously seen funny cat videos?  I was so anti-cat  vids until my ex boyfriend got me to actually sit and watch one until I almost peed my pants. If you want something to turn that frown upside down this will certainly do the trick. If you aren’t into cat vids or you’ve run out let me suggest the following:

            -“It is 91,000 damn degrees”

            - “Shit No One Says”

            -Darren Sharper: Hold Mah Dick”

            -Anything with Jimmy Fallon and Justin Timbkerlake

7) Rap/Flow. No, I don’t think I am a “Rap God” ; however what a spoon full of sugar this art form can be. If you don’t like doing it in front of anyone just put on Lil’ Wayne’s “3-Peat” Instrumental and take to the flow floor. You may surprise yourself! Saying what you are feeling in rap form makes it a hell of a lot easier than actually speaking and/or writing. You’re emotional but yet badass. Watch the stress disappear…yes? See how this works?

6) Drive Around. Take to the open road when you feel that wicked witch of the stress come about. Roll the windows down, put on your favorite jams and just drive. Even if you don’t have a destination it doesn’t matter. Take 15 minutes to just drive! Especially when you’re feeling alone and/or suffocated. It’s contradictory but just trust me on this one.

5) Take Stupid Online Quizzes. OF COURSE I want to know what my spirit animal is! I will find myself with stupid ass online quizzes that are like crack. I try to put it down but then I start itching and I can’t go to bed without knowing who my celeb husband is; cough cough Channing Tatum. This mind-numbing activity will actually take your mind off of reality. It won’t cure it, but at least you can rest easy knowing that your lucky number is 11 and your lucky color is DEFINITELY purple.

4) PUT THE PHONE DOWN AND STEP AWAY FROM IT SLOWLY: This is self-explanatory. Whomever you are needing to talk to RIGHT NOW, probably doesn’t want to talk to you; OR they are busy following this list as well. Chances are, they've had a shitty, stressful day too so why add to the pile? Just, shhhh-shhhhhhhhhhhh.

3) Walk. Even if it is not far, walking can be very mind-freeing. Literally walk down to your car or across the street and back or around the block; take a second to use your limbs and senses. In case you missed it in second grade, trees create oxygen, which helps us, STAY ALIVE. Read a fucking book.

2) Learn Something…ANYTHING. Quite literally anything. A language, the reason squirrels like nuts; it doesn’t matter. You are taking your mind off of whatever you are dealing with and filling it with something of depth. Regardless of how trivial it may seem; it's knowledge, which is always, power. Refer to #3.

1)  Be Grateful.  I have found that during my time of deep stress, I will take a minute and say three things I am grateful for. If you really practice this, you will begin to realize the INCREDIBLE amount of beauty that surrounds you and that this temporary “ick”  feeling will be gone eventually. You can’t have rainbows without the rain!!!

Ya'll, life is beautiful so cherish every moment. Live, LAUGH and LOVE. Seriously... ;) Cheers!

Things Young, Successful Dudes Say

“That was a great idea, I am definitely sharing that on Google docs”

“Dude was wearing Armani… definitely gay.”

“I have to check with my lawyer first.”

 “Yo man I need to borrow your shoe polish, I’m out.”

“I was still drunk in my meeting this morning I fired Hank.”

“Yeah I’ll come over, you DO have Apple TV right?”

“My Mercedes blew up because it had grammatical errors.”

“Please don’t get wine on my Banana Republic jacket.”

“Sorry the place is a mess, the maid doesn’t come until tomorrow.”

“He pronounced patronize PAT-TRON-IZE…it’s a long “a” bro.”

“I’ll bet you $500 in cash right now I can jump this fence.”

“I am so sore from that deep tissue massage yesterday.”

“He is not qualified, he didn’t even wear a custom suit.”

“Girl, your toes are ratchet here’s some money, get a pedicure.”

"Google me."

“Who’s all there? Is it poppin’, let’s just get a table.”

“$345 for a bottle of Grey Goose…ha that’s a steal.”

“Can you roll your window up? It’s messing up my hair.”

“She doesn’t have to be smart, just coherent.”

“Then I found out she had a PC…..”

"Why are you asking where it is? You have Google maps don't you?"

“My phone died.”

“I have to charge my phone.”

“Does the bar have an iPhone 5 charger?”

"I have to go buy a charger."

“Do you have a charger?”

“My phone is literally about to die.”

“I met her on Tinder.”

Believe Half of What You See and Nothing of What You Hear

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Have ya’ll ever played the game “Telephone”? If you attended any form of summer camp, played any sport, or take a form of anti-depressant, I am sure you have. For those that probably never played with the amazingness that was the colored parachute either, I will explain briefly. Telephone is a game where a group of people sit in a circle and one person starts out whispering a sentence to the person sitting next to them and so on and so forth. Simplistically, the goal is to get the last person to hear the sentence after completing the circle to repeat verbatim how the original sentence was stated. Sounds easy right? How many of you that have partaken in this activity had the person at the end actually say it correctly? I am going to go ahead and say zero to five.

The very obvious undertone of this silly game was how quickly something, passing from ear to ear, can get turned into something 100% different. The lesson…gossip. Most associate gossip with their teenage years when it seemed as though the world was ending if you got in a fight with a friend or boyfriend or people had a negative perception of you; as it turns out, even in adulthood gossip exists…and is even worse.

9 times out of 10 whatever you hear via a third party about a person is false. Albeit probably stemming from some kind of truth; the more ears that try and interpret whatever may be said, the more twisted it gets.

Why, as grown men and women, do we feel the need to talk about others negatively? Let me interject my own writing and say I am guilty of this too; however nothing I say behind anyone’s back I haven’t either already said to their face or wouldn't say to their face. Let’s say I am playing Devil’s advocate here. What are the REAL reasons people feel the need to speak on people without hearing any of what they are repeating from the horse’s mouth? Is society that desperate for conversation people have to find common ground by conversing about the bad things they've heard or THOUGHT they've seen regarding another person? Are people really that malicious they would legitimately go out of their way to smear someone’s name?  Have we lost sight of “if you don’t have anything nice to say don’t say anything at all”? The answer is yes.

Think about your conversations with your friends; do you talk about politics, movies, current events? Probably; but compare that to how often you speak about other people. Be it friends, enemies, boyfriends, family etc. Personally, it’s shocking to actually examine the amount of time we spend talking about other people; whether good or bad. The gossip and negative statements however seem to trump the positive statements about people while around others. Why? Because “they’re great” isn't interesting. “Blah Blah slept with so and so” is interesting. Why do you think the media never tells stories about how Johnny Manziel gave his only ticket to the green room during the draft to a 5 yr old boy who is suffering from cancer he’s been visiting for years? Borrrrring. (it’s true by the way). How sad is it that good is boring? People would rather talk about him getting arrested…in which is a perfect example of believe nothing of what you hear and only half of what you see. People want to hear juicy gossip, not your opinion on Boehner's lawsuit on Obama.

Some people don’t understand the effects of gossip. Young people are literally killing themselves over it, As adults, a “bad reputation” could cost you friends, relationships, jobs even…so why are we putting each other through this? Yeah so and so may have made a mistake or what not; guess what…we all make a million mistakes every day. Some people think it’s just their town or city and once they move it will go away…it never goes away. People will always talk. Period.

My point is this, be yourself, that’s all you can do. If people say things about you either own it,  set the record straight or turn the other cheek; it’s not worth getting upset over because there really isn’t anything you can do to change it, except be honest. The other half to this point I am carrying on way too long is limit the negative talk about people if you don’t know actual facts. I get trying to protect a brother or sister or friends from someone you “heard” wasn’t a great person. Let’s be honest, we are adults, we make our own decisions and own judgments; get to know a person before you repeat something that has gone through the telephone. You never know if whatever hearsay you are repeating could damage a person’s life in a big way; because unfortunately, people don’t take in to consideration the reverse distillation of gossip.

Be kind…rewind.