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Thursday, March 17, 2016

7 Internal Battles Everyone "Adulting" Faces, Answered

1) Am I on the right path in life? The answer is sure. No one really knows the answer to this question except for the God of your choosing.  Even if you have moments where you question what you are doing in life, you’re still on the right path. Every experience in life, whether good or bad, teaches a lesson. Unless you have a life threatening addiction or you’re involved with something illegal, where you are now is exactly where you are supposed to be.

2) Is he/she “the one”? Listen, if you have to question this, they, most likely, are not...right now. That doesn’t mean you should end things. I am a firm believer of the incredible overuse of that term and also in the fact that just because you may be unsure now, doesn’t mean you won’t be later. Every relationship has their ups and downs but there is NO RUSH, I REPEAT, NO RUSH to take the next step if you aren’t ready. I hear divorce involves A LOT of paperwork.

3) Am I making my parents proud? Yes. No matter what you do, who you become, where you work or whom you may love, your parents will AWAYS be proud of you.  They are required to love you.  The problem a lot of people have is doing things IN ORDER to make their parents proud. Don’t think about what anyone thinks when going for a goal or doing you; especially your parents. We all want to make our parents proud but the thing is, they have been and will always be your biggest fans.

4) Am I settling? Probably, but that’s not necessarily a bad thing. I mean, the pilgrims “settled” in America right? Or something like that, my 5th grade History teacher was drunk 90% of time, I am pretty sure. The point is, the word “settling” can have such a negative connotation that it makes us contemplate our existence when brought up. Everybody settles at some point in their lives, it’s just the way it is. When used in this context it usually means we are restless with the state in our lives.  Not everyone can be Justin Bieber or Kanye; except Kanye, he can be whatever Kanye so chooses.  Let’s be real, now-a-days, if you have a steady paycheck and a credit score above 600, you’ve made it. However, if you are like me and are too stubborn to give up your dream even while living off of hand-me-downs and Raman, DON’T settle! I am not saying up and quit your job and train to be in the NBA, but, realistically, don’t give up and take tiny steps every day to reach your goal.

5) Will I ever get out of debt? Well, I got nothin’ on this one. I am more than negative Nancy here so all I can say is, I’ll send good vibes; and go talk to a credit counselor.

6) Am I experiencing “FOMO”? For those who don’t know, and/or do not watch the best show on TV, Broad City; “FOMO” is the “FEAR OF MISSING OUT”. The answer to this question is, yes you are experiencing it; but you’re not really missing out. Unless you had to work and your best friend hung out with J-Lo or Michael Jordan while at the concert he or she invited you to, you aren’t missing anything. So you won’t be involved in an epic beer pong tourney or be there to physically witness Jake stick seven carrots up his nose. At least you were able to get a precious little thing we all treasure called sleep. Don’t take that for granted. Plus, the best is yet to come and you will NEVER miss out on the BEST. (That was me trying to be insightful….)

7) Am I too old for this? Yes, yes, yes you are. When adulting, you are too old for everything except a nursing home. At least that is how it feels. Unfortunately, us elders can’t do what we did in college. We can’t sleep until three, wear beat to crap clothes and pretend it’s some kind of liberating movement or not go to class because “we’re paying for it”.  We have to wake up early, to go to work and look nice, to be able to earn money to pay for things. There aren’t really any excuses while adulting.  This is life ya’ll.

Adulting isn’t all rainbows and butterflies but it has its perks. You can’t go back in time so make the best of the now! Before you know it life will circle back and you will be right back “childing”. It’s ok to have fun and set the adult in you aside for a few hours. Wear a crop top (if suited), drink on a Tuesday, and take a vacation. Just remember your cable bill is due on the 15th….just saying.

Monday, March 14, 2016

15 Things Millennials Need to Stop Doing Right Now

     I know, technically, my age group is a "Millennial" but this is a very hard thing for me to grasp. I am 31, (old as dirt, I get it); and even I catch myself saying, "kids today...". For real though, anyone who classifies themselves as a "Millennial" pay attention!

     1) Stop taking life seriously. This isn’t totally the fault of Millennials. By the time you are 17, you are up against a wall asked to choose your life path or die. That is absolutely absurd. However, ya’ll need to stop buying into that crap because in reality, no one knows what the hell they are going to be when they grow up until they face 30k in debt, discontent with their jobs/life and/or contemplating living on an island and selling coconuts. Just have fun until you are forced to pay rent.

     2) Stop bitching about stupid shit. Ok, so your roommate used your shampoo, or your “bae” didn’t text you back………guess what? LIFE. GOES. ON. Buy NEW SHAMPOO, GET A NEW BOO; this isn’t rocket science. Pick your battles because when you’re old you realize how much time and energy you wasted on unnecessary drama, your petty annoyances are the least of my concern. Oh, and if you REALLY want to get into semantics on stupid stuff, you owe me $13.36 for that lunch that one time at that one place...

          3) Stop bitching about shit you can absolutely change. You hate your job? FIND A NEW ONE. Your friend is doing or saying something you don't like, don't bitch about them to other people, TALK TO THEM.  You’re not making enough money, GET A SECOND INCOME AND FIGURE IT OUT. Complaining is like nails on a chalkboard; not to say you are not allowed to voice your grievances, but constantly complaining…just stop. My dad used to tell me you could either smile and face the situation or be mad and face the situation; either way you have to face the situation. This is so true. If you are not happy with something in your life, only YOU have the power to change. Don’t expect anything to change for you.

          4) Stop bitching about shit…in general. Whether it be your relationship, your friendship, politics, how bad TV is, your hair, your job, your slow wifi connection…JUST SHUT UP. Understand how EFFING privileged and blessed we are, regardless of socio-economic status to just have a dang roof over our heads. Just remember, if you think you have it bad, there is always someone who has it worse.

    5) Stop feeling entitled. HAHA I love this. So you think you can just graduate college and walk into a job that pays 50k? THINK AGAIN! You may be the most brilliant, talented person at your specialty, but the cruel reality is, you need to EARN the money you are given. Well, you SHOULD earn the money you are given. No one owes you anything. In fact, you are probably indebted to someone.  Also, stop expecting people to automatically give you the respect you think you deserve. Remember, you DESERVE nothing; give respect and you will receive respect.  Those of you spoon fed by parents, a sugar daddy, what have you, disregard. Even at 31, with a genius IQ, dual Bachelors degree and 10 years of experience, I am selling used cars. Yeah, you let me know when you find that hand out so I can sign up…

    6) Stop feeding into societal stigmas. You don’t want to be called a dumb "millennial",  do everything you can to prove them wrong. You don’t want to be called lazy, don’t be lazy, you don’t want to be “labeled”, STOP USING THE WORD “LABEL”. Be better than what others think you may be. 

    7) Stop caring about what others think. Going along with the above, this is the most clich├ęd, yet true, statement I have come to learn and love. I could give two you-know-whats about what others think about me; yet I do care how I present myself. Two different things. Take pride in who you are; which doesn’t mean finding the  nearest protest or taking to Facebook to update your status with your “strong opinions” on an election you know nothing about. Be yourself and love yourself  but remember perception is reality.

         8) Stop taking the small things for granted. If someone at work changes the toilet paper roll, thank him or her. If your mom pays a month of rent because she knows your hopes of getting that 50k job out of college are dead, thank her. If someone does anything nice for you, whatever it may be, THANK THEM. The words “Thank you”, are so incredibly powerful and can honestly change lives. Also, just BE NICE to people. Respect others, live by The Golden Rule. Those of you who don't know what The Golden Rule is, "Treat others the way you want to be treated". Always be kind, pay it forward and live everyday as a blessing, not as a way of life. Keep in mind it can all be taken away in a split second.

         9) Stop depending on others. Here is a little wake up call for all you early 20’s kiddos, NO ONE BUT YOUR PARENTS LOVES YOU NO MATTER WHAT. Sometimes not even that. At the end of the day YOU are who takes care of YOU. Learn how to change a tire, how to cook, how to spoon feed yourself; when you get to be in your 30’s and start to weed out people in your life because you have to, you will be lost if you don’t know simple life skills they were providing for you. 

  10) Stop spending money on stuff you can’t afford and pay attention to your credit score. Self-explanatory. My credit score basically says I exist and funny enough, I have no student loans, no mortgage and have never owned a credit card. I was just an IDIOT about putting bills off. Don’t be me…seriously. You don't realize how much credit matters until you are on your own. Stop putting spring break trips on credit, start saving money, buy what you NEED not what you want. I wish someone would have told me this 10 years ago. A little treat yoself is ok now and then but buying an $80,000 car when you can barely make your rent payment is just a bad decision.
        11)  Stop relying on autocorrect. As I click the red squiggly line under “autocorrect”. Ironic. Learn to punctuate and spell correctly. Please don’t let society actually become like the movie “Idiocracy”. It really should be common knowledge how to spell “believe”; and understand “i before e except after c”, but common knowledge isn’t that common anymore. If NOTHING else please, I am begging all of ya’ll (I am from Texas I can say that), know the difference between “your” and you’re”, and “there”, their” and they’re”. Just please.

 12) Stop being selfish. It is ok to be selfish every now and then but something as simple as NOT BEING ON TIME when you say you will, is 110% selfish. Start being more empathetic…#realtalk

 13) Stop one-upping. Ok, so your friend snowboarded down a double black, now you climbed Mount Everest? No. What are you trying to prove exactly? Talent is silence.

       14) Stop speaking uneducated.  If you honestly have no clue what the hell the policies of the Democratic GOP nom is, Don’t TALK ABOUT IT! Ya’ll have Google now, you can literally get edumacated in five seconds.

 15) Say what you mean and mean what you say. Don’t be scared to voice an opinion, but OWN IT. Speak up, but have ammo to back it up. Don’t be someone you are not, EVER. You save a lot of time and effort realizing who loves you for you and who sucks.

Tuesday, December 8, 2015

10 Questions Every 30-Something Needs to Ask Themselves

1) What is my “number”? Let’s be real, at 31, you may or may not have a good idea as to what that “number” is; so, you do the math. Literally.  Stretch those typin’ fingers ladies and gents and get to adding. There are multiple reasons why you should at least be in the ballpark getting a hotdog and not just now pulling up to the stadium. It’s time to face to number(s).

2) Why did I ever think wearing this was ok? Time to do a little spring cleaning! Now that you aren’t just 30, you are IN your 30’s, that neon yellow halter top and/or that chain wallet need to be laid to rest. Just burn them; the needy have been through enough…

3) Are they real friends? This seems to be the question of the Sphinx in your 30’s. You feel bad for just CTL+ALT+DELETE’ing people that have been in your life for eons, but then again ,you can’t exactly figure out why they are in your life at all. If people are still around and you honestly cannot come up with a SINGLE way they enhance your life, time to cut the cord. (If I wasn’t self-admittedly old balls by now, please re-read this horrifically vintage and not in a cool way, paragraph. CTL+ALT DELETE? I use a Mac?)

4) Am I taking care of myself? Like really? I snarked at this too when I was 25 but now, the overzealous microscope of a mirror literally won’t let me anymore. We are getting OLDER and that’s what happens in life…or so I am told. So when you just decide not to wash your face at night, get that double decker beefy gordita or drink like you just turned 21, understand our bodies will not react the way the did 10 years ago.  You won’t be happy when you see your fat, wrinkly, hungover ass underneath fluorescent lighting…trust me.

5) What time is it? No really what time is it…

6) Why am I still letting my past get to me? Whether it be an ex girlfriend/boyfriend, job, mistake made, the past is the past for a reason. Put whatever it is you are harping on in a Walgreens bag, tie it up and bury it because that BS is for your 20’s…you have shit to do today so quit whining and go check your credit score.

7) What is my passion? I am not talking in bed you dirty bastards. What do you LOVE? What are you good….AT? What is something you would do with your time if you hit the jackpot, already traveled the world and needed something to do with your hands? If you are going through the motions of life, what the hell kind of life is that? You’re literally on the downward slope towards death, so might as well live for now and enjoy the ride! Live a life you want, not a life you are “SUPPOSED” to have. Por ejemplo, My passion is sports, talking and writing…I will annoy the shit out of everyone someday on a global level; mark my words.

8) Why am I always so tired? Ok, so this one isn’t something you should really ask yourself. I am thinking out loud…welcome to Thirty One Shades of Tourette’s!!

9) Why do I care what people think? I can’t get over how many people my age still give a rat’s ass. WHYYYYYY!?!?!? No really, riddle me that; because I CLEARLY do not get it. Please, for the love of GOD ask yourself, right now, why?. Whatcha got? Would love to hear your answers. I get making a good impression at work, or to the in-laws, or your future husband yada yada; but I have a better idea! BE EXACTLY WHO YOU ARE YOU SCHIZOPHRENIC WEIRDO! PEOPLE LOVE YOU (shockingly) THE WAY YOU ARE!!!!

10) When was the last time I was TRULY happy? Am I now? If you are, mazel tov; teach me how to dougie. You give hope to us miserable souls lurking out here lost and drinking whiskey. If you're like a normal human being, wondering what happiness is, let’s figure out how to get there. I mean, 31 is an entirely different age bracket on the majority of surveys…just saying it’s about time we get it together and smile without forcefully (yet willingly) watching a James Franco movie…

Welp, Christmas came early for you folks bringing this old thing back up…and you’re welcome ;). Couldn’t be more surprised if I woke up with my head sewn to the carpet—Cheers!

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