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Tuesday, April 30, 2013

Vulnerability is an Act of Great Faith for this Girl


As I am sitting here finishing my glass of wine (don't worry bros ya'll are safe, only had two) I realized life is shorter than asians genitalia.  This past weekend I, as did many, lost a good friend from college. My best friend and I were reminiscing about all the times we had with him; when we were floating the river and he was STILL wearing his Air Jordan's constantly ending up in the algae of the river. "Where is Caleb, aw man still in the darn algae screamin about snakes". That was C.. always keeping people laughing at the same time being a butt head.

When something like this happens. families and friends, begin to contemplate their life worth and reason for their existence. The reasons for people leaving this earth too early are unknown. However we all need to take a hot minute and cherish what we do have. In light of latter events this month I'll say it once and I will say it again; you are not the only soldier in your battle.

When speaking about relationships, as much as women AND men try to play it cool and act like they don't need the other is ridiculous. Do I pretend I don't want someone to kiss me goodnight and smile when they see me? yeeeeep sure do. Would I love to have that? Yep but I will never show it. Well, forget that because I guess I just did. However all that game-playing and wasted love is not good for the heart OR your psyche...you will be bat s*&^ crazy at some  point. C had a loving girlfriend that is now left without the love of her life. Could you even imagine? No matter how much you want to "play the field" or be angry at an ex; life is short and the love you can find in life... you need to hang on to. Am I still dealing with something that was shocking in my life that made me question the one man I look up to a absolutely put on a pedestal? Yes I am and day by day I am trying to get over that. However it DOES NOT make me love him any less or have any character judgement whatsoever. Nothing has changed he's still the most amazing man in the world and I know he loves his dragutsa. Sometimes life hands you lemons. Sometimes you don't realize some people are willing to give you the world because they 100% truly care about you.

Moral of the story is no matter what tattered relationship, whether it be a mother, father, sister, brother, boyfriend, girlfriend, husband, wife; stop for a minute to think why, of all people, do they love YOU? You matter...you absolutely do. This is such a downer blog but when did anyone ever think I would hold in emotions?! please...

I promise humor is coming back to the blog!!!! Stay tuned!

We'll miss you CM

Thursday, April 25, 2013

The Dating Draft


With the NFL draft today I wanted to weigh in on my opinions. However, I know most of the people that read this mind-numbing blog are women and would not appreciate why I thought Manti T'eo is going to get picked up by the Bears.

So I have decided to aim this toward what I am unsuspectingly good at writing about; men. I think there should be a "dating draft" system in place for the single gals out there. It would work like the NFL draft. Each spring, single girls will be able to draft new single men to date. 7 rounds and, depending on the ladies that want to participate; 1 pick per round. A Free Agent is a dude that is new or has no serious connections to any of the other girls and/or friends of other girls. A Restricted Free Agent would be a dude that is an ex of another woman or still dating or talking to one of the other women. If you decide to trade your pick for an RFA; the other girl he has ties to has an opportunity to match your offer. This is the only situation the guy will have a say...ergo why this is brilliant; we make the rules. The difference in the dating draft is if you lose your RFA, you DON'T get another pick. It's slim pickin's out there anyway we need to keep a good pool.

Pick position will be chosen by your dating history. If you have had a crap ton of failed relationships or haven't dated in a long time; you will be closer to first pick. The guys in the draft go where they are told. Essentially you will have 7 guys you will be able to go out with throughout the year and can release them at any time if it doesn't work out. Girls will have to be strategic in their drafting and draft different types of men. No one needs more than one kicker right? Research their stats. Guys that get drafted will have to go on at least one date with you and if you think it may work out; they are contracted to as many dates as it takes. The draft pool will consist of single guys with varied ages, looks, jobs etc, you get the picture.

Male slavery? Maybe, but if this wasn't borderline illegal and male cruelty; this would be such an awesome way to date! No wasting time with having to go out and meet someone; you got a brand new team at your disposal! Mull it over girls :)

Sunday, April 21, 2013

Insane in the membrane


Alrighty, after extensive research and having friend after friend ask me how I feel on this;  I feel the need to address this subject that is plaguing women today.

Let me start off by saying these opinions are not only mine; but EVERY SINGLE woman I speak to about this subject.

When dudes make you think you're the crazy person. Almost every girlfriend of mine completely agrees. Women are crazy... yes we all are so get over it. However the craziness comes from you, sorry to say. Crazy is not out of the blue, but when men make women believe in the all allusive "happily ever after" then do a complete 180; girl brain goes on overload. Thankfully my brain is consumed with journalistic genius so there is no room for analysis; but I speak on behalf of all my girls out there. In dating; there is no "game" there is no "playing it cool" with girls. Women NEVER play it cool. We are great fakers, in more ways than one...

 What happens is men make women believe things and then turn around and say girls are crazy for thinking such a thing. HOW DARE WE!? Don't get it twisted; there are a lot of crazy broads out there but  "normal" chicks are smarter than you think.

If a dude is planning vacations with a chick, saying how much he likes her and acts like a boyfriend one minute then turns around and acts like an idiot the next; do NOT even get started on how the woman is the one being a nutjob. PLEASE understand men do it to themselves. If you are dating multiple women; be honest and tell them. 90% of the time they will respect you more for saying that than having you drag them along like a Chris Brown wannabe. Smart girls know what's up trust me. However it still doesn't make us less vulnerable to your cute dimples and sweet potential serial killer smile. We are suckers and most women are fully aware of that; but our judgement is blurred due to the mind f*&^ing  men play.

If men ever read this and take NOTHING else from this idiot blog please; I am begging you (for the sake of my phone bill/I should be charging for therapy sessions with my girls); Do NOT NOT NOT EVER tell a woman to "calm down" or "relax" if you are the obvious reason for the mental breakdown. The male species needs to understand if you are the ones getting women hyped up...do not tell us to calm down. I can promise you those words will make things exponentially worse.

So, all in all like  I always say, honesty is the best policy..unless you get caught listening to Justin Beiber.. then we go with "that aint mine"

Thursday, April 18, 2013

State of the Union...orrrr something like that


So as I am sitting here watching yet another tragedy unfold on the news; I notice myself screaming obscenities to an inanimate object. My cell phone is a piece of crap and isn't letting me call out. Seriously? This is my biggest issue today? I got to thinking about how people are so jaded by what they DON'T have they lose sight of what they do. I am happy, after 10am, healthy,debatably, and have wonderful people in my life, most of the time. Why am I complaining about a stupid cell phone I want to throw across the room then beat with a baseball bat? With everything that has happened in the world in the last few weeks I have realized that instead of letting AT&T control how my lovely Thursday turns out, I need to start focusing on how to switch to Verizon...kidding.

 I am making a promise to myself that I will do a good deed every day not for the sake of me feeling better about myself, that's what spray tans are for, but purely for the sake of appreciation of life. I have been very blessed in my life and I want to pay it forward. Even though I am a journalist, don't make a lot of money, single,  don't own the nicest "stuff" and have a bit of prison hair right now; I have never been happier. These people that have been involved in these terrible tragedies have lost everything. They would be glad to have a clean pair of draws let alone a POS Iphone 4.

 I understand we as a society are self-indulgent and sometimes others' needs are forgotten because of our own daily struggles. However, if we keep reminding ourselves every day that there is someone out there that has it worse and needs help; maybe it will bring us all back down to earth. We all have our daily battles whether it be a crap phone, a horrible boss, or the loss you suffered during your intense game of Call of Duty. We as people have to get back to being GOOD. It is really not that hard. So people of the world, try good out, see what happens. Since this blog is probably single-handedly going to create world peace...you're welcome.

Monday, April 15, 2013

Can't We All Just get Along?

It's Monday...so I wake up to my usual stiff neck from my 19 year old mattress, stretch it out and turn on the TV. To much dismay; my normal daytime TV was interrupted by a dude that shot and killed his pregnant girlfriend and a car chase that ensued. Later, The Talk, was cut into by news of an explosion in Boston...ok whoa. I know it's Monday; we all hate Monday, but is this really necessary?

Why are people so angry!? Forget the politics, terrorism or bad Steve Carrell movies; People need to chill OUT! I get people are angry. I get other countries, religions, Lady Gaga hate things; but to put the time and effort into MURDERING means you a damn fool. I am sorry if you are that hyped up you think setting a bomb off in the middle of people just trying to get their fitness on is going to bring us down? IT WON'T. You murder your pregnant girlfriend and then try to run from the po-po? You answer to the Devil not the DPD. I am no Miss America (written sarcasm is frowned upon) but why can't we all attempt world peace, just relax and get along?

There are times I would like to just kick someone but I take that out on my Jack on the rocks not innocent people.  These people just go about their business but you degenerates have to come along and  take your lack responsibility out on them. We all seriously need to take a lesson from Bob Marley and learn that One Love is a serious deal. Would a little herb help? Probably but that's not the point. The point is; if you are angry or think you are going to tear someone down by stooping to a fly on dog crap level; you will not. It will get you no where. All it will do is make people want to rise above you AND your playground idiocracy.

Today was a tragic day and those who were involved will pay. However the people who believe in people, believe in good, and believe in hope are the ones that are going to get the last word. So get ready all you soulless individuals; it's hammer time...**cue Batman signal.

**sidenote; this is the most pseudo serious blog I have written and I will end this with a non-sarcastic, serious note. People need to understand the value of a human life. Only WE control who we are. Stand up for what you believe in but understand sometimes you aren't the only soldier in battle.

Wednesday, April 3, 2013

Red Red Wine You Make Me Feel So Fine...and certifiable

Everyone has their one drink that turns them in to a crazy person. Tequila, vodka waters, milk. Well as much as I love me some red wine; I have recently realized I have to give myself "red wine rules" if I decide to partake in red wine drinking.

I don't really express much emotion good or bad on a regular basis. Nor do I drink very much. However red wine makes me an emotional basketcase. Since I try to only drink red wine if I am at home or at a nice dinner; I rarely go out and stick to it. At least when I am at home my sister is here to talk me down from the ledge and hide electronic devices.
 Well ever since I started my new job I will have business meetings in which people will just get a bottle of "classy" red wine. This is a very bad idea. Not for them of course because I am the most charming person on earth face to face. However in my Matrixesk brain; I am slowly spiriling into emotional unstabbility which does NOT bode well for certain people. It hadn't happend in a very long time, probably because I just have stopped giving a flying crap about people and/or things...thank you NYC. But recently I was one glass away from Angelina Jolie in Girl Interuppted. Even though I will admit I think I was already in a straight jacket...1 more glass not needed. I do love my wine and I usually can control my emotions, or lack thereof, pretty well. However red wine seems to have an arm bar on my sanity. That being said I have come up with my "red wine rules" that may help others suffering from this disorder as well.

1) If you are going to drink red wine, put a limit on 2 glasses. NO MORE
2) If you are going to drink red wine, don't wear waterproof mascara...if you cry you will look like a hot mess
3) Do not drink red wine on a date
4) Do not drink red wine and try to work
5) No sappy movies, books or television shows. This includes talent shows and any other program that makes you realize people are better at things than you.
6) Do not listen to country music
7) Or angry girl music
8) Stay AWAY from social networking sites and/or websites that can drudge up stagnant emotions
9) No emailing...anyone
10) THE MOST IMPORTANT RULE... before drinking red wine delete email addresses, phone numbers (and if you must your facebook/twitter) of people you may effect via the wine induced state. Put your phone down! DO NOT speak to anyone you are mad at, potential suitors, ex boyfriends, men in general. No matter how important the subject you need to address or how logical you think you are being; you are an idiot and need to stop it immediately. You look like a crazy person and this is not the time. GO TO BED.

Everyone makes mistakes, it's only human. These are mistakes I can control and as long as I follow my rules there will be no more victims of my red wine psychosis. We will see!

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