Friday, July 26, 2013
Since I did a blog giving all you men out there some unsolicited relationship advice, I figured it is only fair to help my fellow ladies out as well. Now, let me preface this by saying I am still single and in no way do I take my own advice but all of you should. I am actually a very great person to be giving said advice due to my many failed relationships and learning exactly what I did wrong. So here you go ladies...
1) Give him a chance. I know many of you know what you are looking for and that's your story and you are sticking to it. However, there is a reason why none of your relationships have worked out with the ones you "thought" were right, correct? If a guy asks you out and he's not necessarily someone you would immediately say yes to, go anyway. First of all he made the effort to actually ask you on a DATE and not just text you how much he likes you., blah blah.. +1 already. Second if nothing else, it can be practice for a date you do really want to be on. Also, don't be afraid to ask a guy out. **NOTE: The only time this is acceptable is the initial meeting and after you are in a relationship. You only get ONE pass to ask him out, then he takes over...got it?
2) Give what you get. Ladies we all have a tendency to go a bit overboard especially when it comes to getting into a new relationship. If he isn't inviting you out or asking you out, DON'T ask or invite him. If you find yourself always initiating communication, STOP. If a guy is really into you he will do it himself. If you are in a relationship and your boyfriend is always making you go to his place and never comes to yours, stop going. There needs to be a balance but women, being emotional beings, feel the need to "keep him interested" and try to please him. He should be trying to please you. There is a fine line between letting him know you're interested and utter desperation. We need to pull back the reins a bit; why buy the cow if you can get the milk for free?
3) The texting rule. Since it is 2013 I must address this issue. COOL IT on the overzealous texting. If you've texted him or called him and you have not received a response, it's time to move on to a new activity. No need to text him another 5 times because do you honestly think on the 6th time he's going to answer? WRONG. He probably now thinks you are a certified psycho or do nothing with your life. If his responses are nothing but one word answers or "k", you can try to tell yourself all you want; "oh he's just not much of a talker"; nah girl he's just not that into you. I know that phone has some kind of magnetic force that is amplified by the 4 cosmos you just inhaled but resist the urge; text a girlfriend...or even yourself.
4) Do NOT "DTR" the relationship before he does. Period. For all those who don't know what DTR means it means "define the relationship". Ladies I cannot stress this enough, do not EVER bring up the "what are we" talk until he says it first. Guys are like squirrels, one sudden movement and they freak out and lose their nuts...(I think I'm funny). Trust me if a guy truly likes you and you are playing it right from day 1; he will bring it up. However, the trick is you can't act like a girlfriend then expect him to ACTUALLY make it official. You have created a loophole that guys will take full advantage of; so understand if you give too much he may never DTR. If you are the one he wants to be with and you aren't playing girlfriend, it will KILL him to think you could possibly be seeing other people so let him to the DTRing.
5) Guys are not mind readers so don't expect them to be. Girls, let me put it this way; guys are idiots (no offense dudes but it's true) when it comes to picking up on hints. So don't get mad at them when they don't do or say something you "hinted". If you really want him to show you more attention don't go bitch to your girlfriends then get mad at him when he doesn't hold your hand every 5 seconds. HE DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IS WRONG. It's like a dog peeing on the carpet; they don't know it's bad until they get knocked upside the head with a newspaper. Then they learn their lesson. Communicate. Also, if something is really bothering you and he asks you whats wrong, don't say fine...do not say fine. You are not fine and you'll eventually turn into Naomi Campbell and go full blown crazy person . Tell him what's wrong. Most of the time, if they are a good guy, they will understand and try to fix it. But if you don't tell him, he can't fix it. Give the dude a break.
6) Last but not least, BE YOURSELF. The worst thing you can do is try to conform to what he is looking for. From personal experience you'll find yourself 4 years later wanting to shoot the next person that even mentions house music. Don't pretend to like the things he does if you really don't. If he loves football and you would rather watch paint dry, be honest. (although if that's the case I highly recommend at least trying to watch a game because you're missing out on amazingness). Just be yourself. You don't want a guy to fall head over heals for the person he THINKS you are; you want him to fall for who you REALLY are. Flaws and all. If he doesn't like it, on to the next one.
I could go on and on and on but I will leave it here for now. I have a feeling both the advice blogs will be a two parter...until then!
Tuesday, July 23, 2013
I've been slacking on this blog so I'm back!
I know many of you men out there feel like your girlfriend/wife is always mad at you or that, in her eyes, you are always wrong. You aren't necessarily wrong; you're just not doing the right things. Well fear no more boyfriends/husbands; I am here to break down the very basics of keeping your boo happy without handing over your man card on a silver platter.
Listen carefully men. Being one of the only single girls out of my girlfriends, every time YOU PEOPLE mess up; I hear about it first hand. These are some very simple things that you can do to get your woman off your case...and my shoulder.
1) Ask her out on a real DATE. In the same breath, do NOT text her...call her. I get it's 2013 and that's how you kids today communicate but don't be that guy. The first 3 dates should be real, romantic, planned dates. I'm not saying you have to go out and spend your life savings; be creative. **Please note: taking her to Taco Cabana at 2am after the bar does not constitute as a date. Nor does having her come to YOUR house; unless you are cooking her dinner. Ya'll need to understand that women want to be wined and dined and just a relatively nice dinner date could do wonders.
2) BE DECISIVE. This is the number one complaint I get from my girlfriends. If you guys have plans to do something and she asks "what are we gunna do babe" and you respond with "I don't care, what do you wanna do?"; expect an eye roll and a possible silent treatment. You are the man, you take control. Women will tell you if your plan is stupid but if you've been in a relationship for a while, you should know. Women get more upset and annoyed by you not making a decision than a dumb suggestion.
3) Don't look at other women in excess. We know you're going to look at the tall blonde with platforms walking to the bathroom; just don't over do it. Women are fine with it 90% of the time but if we can barely hold a conversation with you because your eyes keep darting to every girl in the place, you'll either get broken up with or slapped...or both. Also, if you make some idiot comment like "geeze her skirt is ugly" thinking to yourself "good save bro"; it wasn't a good save, women aren't idiots. Don't abuse this privilege.
4) Listen, but don't give your opinion or a solution. This one is tricky so listen up. Women know you're not one of our girlfriends however we also expect our men to be comforting and on our side. If she has had a bad day at work because her boss is a jerk don't say "well if you don't like it just quit". No. No no no no no. First of all, that's stupid, second of all the right response is "that's terrible babe I'm sorry, what can I do to make it better". Ladies just want you to give them a hug, tell them it'll be ok and feed us chocolate. If you give your opinion on a solution and/or not pay attention to a word she's saying, that's a one way ticket into the dog house kids. If she starts talking about her tiff with her girlfriends and speaking girl language you don't understand, that's the time to let her know you're not equipped to handle this situation. That's what other girlfriends are for.
5) DO NOT excessively communicate with an ex. Do not facebook, twitter, snapchat, text, call, send smoke signals to an ex in excess. Women don't care how you broke up, why you broke up, that ya'll remain friends...in our head you still love her if you still talk to her. Trust me when I say women will probably act like it doesn't bother them and it's no big deal; but she's slowly losing her mind. Which in turn means you will get yelled at one day out of the blue. My advice would be cutoff all communication, but if you can't for whatever reason; keep it to a minimum. But don't EVER try to hide the communication. You may think you're protecting her because its innocent; in woman brain you're cheating. Plus we're smarter than you think, we WILL find out...don't get it twisted.
I hope this helps some guys out there understand the girl brain just a bit better. It's really not that hard, and if you still need help ask me! Cheers!