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Monday, January 27, 2014

How to Catch a Cheater: Signs Your Mate is Playin'

Hello ladies and gents! This blog is actually for both of ya’ll. This applies to both cheating boyfriends and girlfriends. It is funny how different yet similar cheaters of both sexes are; but the fact of the matter is both species cheat. The bottom line is it is better to look crazy then be a damn fool and if you suspect your significant other is cheating; they probably are. 

I DO however believe in innocent until proven guilty, but if your guy/girl has given you REASON to think they are two-timing; you do whatever you have to do to get to the bottom of it ASAP. This isn't a guide to crazy, no one deserves to be lied to or cheated on; it is just information coming from someone who has been cheated on in EVERY relationship...hmm (pause for self reflection).  That being said, here are some signs and tips to catch a cheater.

Signs of cheating bastard/B

1)      First and foremost, they have a password on their phone that you don’t know and/or have texts come up as imessage instead of the actual text. In addition, they have never offered up their password and/or change it often. Now, they will probably give the excuse “it’s for business I can’t have people seeing that information”. Ok, then give me your password. Problem solved.

2)      They take their phone with them EVERYWHERE. I mean…do you really need your phone in the shower? Who are you talking to in there? Are you googling instructions on how to wash your ass? They’re hiding something. Period.

3)      When with you they put their phone face down and/or text discretely; by their side, under the table etc. First of all you’re with me; unless you are talking to someone meeting up with us or your mother, your phone shouldn't even be out in the first place. Second and worse, you see them delete texts. Seriously? It’s 2014 we know how this works. Also, be aware they may have someone saved as "Aunt Kay" when it really is a sideline hoe so don't over look those texts/calls if you do decide to go private I.

4)      If you have been dating or hanging out but not “official” and you don’t talk to them on certain days/they don’t tell you about what they did that night; there’s a side boo. Tread lightly.

5)      If you notice they comment/”like” a certain person of the opposite (or same depending on preference) sex’s posts on social networking sites. They have something going on or they want something to happen. Also, if there is correspondence between your boo and a certain person on social media and you either A) don’t know that person and or B) they have inside jokes and such…they sure as hell ain’t just friends.

6)      If they are corresponding with/run into a chick or dude and you have no CLUE who they are. If you see texts etc and it is more than just every now and then and you have no idea who that person is..sketch. When you both are out and run into someone and they speak like they talk on a daily basis and yet again no idea who this person is…you better find out. Also, if they have Snapchat (gotta love technology), the people they “snap” the most show up if you click their name and if you know absolutely none of those people ask them then dig. Even worse, if you ask your boo about that person and they offer up nothing more than “just a friend”; yeahhhhhhhh ok.

7)      If they have their social media set to “approval” and you know you tagged them in a post yet they don’t “approve” a completely appropriate picture.

8)      When they get a phone call and either silent it right away or walk into another room to take the call. If they silent it, give them a bit of slack because it could be nothing but them being respectful. BUT you make sure to see who is hittin’ them up. If they walk away when it is completely ok to take a call in front of you; they are probably in deep with someone else.

9)      You've caught them lying about stupid things. If they are lying about dumb crap they are probably lying about much, much more.

10)   Their attitude towards you changes often. One week they are super distant the next they act like you’re their soul mate; something is happening with the other guys/girls they are seeing and they know you will always be there so keep an eye out for this.

Now how to CATCH them red handed...

1)      If they have a password on their phone and they have not offered it up/ given it to you after you have asked; pay very close attention to their fingers when they go to open their phone. You’ll be able to open that bitch after an easy 3 times studying their finger movements.

2)      If you think your DUDE is cheating, hack his email. Through my years of being 007 I have learned most men are dumb and use the same password for everything and/or it’s REALLY easy to guess. If you want to know the top 3 that are almost always what they use, come talk to me I am not giving up all my secrets. A man’s email is the key to everything. Once you get that, it opens doors for social media, cell phone usage etc.

3)      If you think your LADY is cheating, email won’t do any good because most women don’t use their email for anything other than work. You will have to do a bit of stalking on her best friends’ social media sites. If there is a guy in a lot of pictures and the time line lines up to when she hasn't been communicating with you; you are dealing with a shade ball.

4)      Look for signs of others in their house/apt. Look for things you don’t recognize like a pair of men’s boxers at your girls, or hair ties laying around your dudes you know you don’t wear.

5)      Ask to see their phone. This is the number one way to tell if they are hiding something. If they aren't they will hand it right over without hesitation. If they’re lying they will put up a fight and/or make up excuses as to why they can’t hand it over. Or, they will say “hold on I need to check something real quick”, yeah they are freaking out deleting texts/pictures etc. You don’t even need to SEE that stuff at this point you know for a fact they are hiding something and either ask them or do more digging.

I have more tricks for catching a cheater red handed but I really can’t give away all of my secrets just in case I need them one day. Again, innocent until proven guilty; if your babe has done nothing for you to suspect them of cheating; do not not NOT dig into their life. Now, if they have done any of said above (1-10); start your digging. 


  1. It's apparent you've been through some tough relationships and come out on the bad side of things, which really sucks. While I don't know the best answer to help with that, what I do know is this is NOT it. Why bring all this baggage into your new ones, sabotaging any opportunities for a good, healthy relationship? Sabotage? Yes - any right minded "bro" or "bra" would run at the sight of these things, which leaves you stuck with the leftovers, who will do things like cheat. If you approve of these tactics, you've lost touch of the "dudebro," because we sure as hell wouldn't stand this.

    Folks, if you're considering things like this, take a minute to self-reflect, see if the real source is internal insecurities or fears.

    I say this all with a desire to help, not to insult, but this tough love here was necessary.

    1. One final addition...
      I don't believe your "innocent until proven guilty" throw-in any more than you do. That's like the government explanation that they're collecting personal information, but explain they will not shift through it unless they have reason to. Trust me, if you want to sniff around, you'll justify a reason to.

    2. Well it is clear you have not exactly grasped the concept of my whole's comedy, entertainment and speaking truth. EVERY body has done/will do these things at one point in their lives. Also, never once did I mention I ACTUALLY have done/do these things. This actually was inspired by a girlfriend of mine. So thank you for the unsolicited therapy session but I think I will let my actual therapist handle that...(also kidding I don't have a therapist just wine)


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