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Saturday, April 19, 2014

10 Things We All Hate to Love in 2014

Let's face it, we live in a self-indulgent society. The arrogance and entitlement that consumes the world today is fueled by social media and the need to be "popular" in life. However, I find it quite amusing that the same egotistical people that complain about certain things wrong with the world today also can't help but succumb to the societal norm; myself included. It's almost like a vortex that sucks you in and won't let you go; and if it did you probably wouldn't want to...So this leads me to make a list, yes a list, of all the things people hate to love about this day and age.

1) Selfies: There is a even a song about selfies. Although this is the number one most arrogant thing to do on social media, everyone does it at one point in time. We get what you look like but thanks for the reminder...and you better believe if I am having a good hair day a selfie is sure to ensue.

2) Cryptic Facebook Status': This is more for the ladies because men aren't smart enough to be cryptic...or they are just too lazy. (Insert song lyric here). Yes "JOE", this status IS for you because I am too much of a chicken shit to say things to your face. On the other hand this is a very safe way to get your point across without giving up too much control.

3) Meaningless quizes: They have absolutely no scientific backing but we take them and believe that the German Shepard is our "soul dog". They're harmless and can kill time but don't get too carried away.

4) Stupid TV shows that have 7 million unrealistic plots: Game of Thrones anyone? So we have a midget king who I still don't know if he is a good guy or bad guy, a chick that is boning her own brother, some paralyzed dude that was a king or prince but is now paralyzed....WTF is going on here? Since when is this outrageous scenario good TV? Welp, considering the cult like following I'd say now.

5) Duck/Fish faces in pictures: Here's the deal, I hate my smile but I have good cheek bones soooo I'm going to go ahead and accentuate my best features and if it comes across in the form of these faces so be it. Don't hate on the kissy faces either.

6) Ranting on social media: We as a society need to embrace whatever little constitutional rights we still have and social media is the perfect outlet for free speech. If you don't like it, delete, delete, delete.

7) "Tagging": Whether it be a "check in" or a picture our elitist brains subconsciously (or consciously if you really are that big of a prick) want to show people how cool our lives are but we like the subtlety of the "humblebrag"  . Now, I am going to go ahead and say 85% of the time this is a smoke screen to the misery we all actually live in; but whatever works.

8) Googling people: Again, it's 2014 and people are bat shit crazy these days. You better believe if homeboy asks me out I will do significant research to make sure you aren't a serial killer; background check will in fact be ran if things start to get serious. You aren't nuts for doing this... better safe than sorry right?

9) Online dating: Dating online is a tad more acceptable these days but people still don't like to admit it. However, good things CAN actually come from dating online and you don't have to shower to do it.

10) Lists: Case in point.

Wednesday, April 2, 2014

30 Things Women Want Men to Know Continued....31-50

Continuation of the 30 things women want men to know; because let's face it, men need some help here.

31) The toilet seat is really not THAT big of a deal. Just another thing for us to throw in your face when we are mad.

32) We WILL go to great lengths to see if you are lying. Girls are 007 if need be and women will stop but nothing to get to the bottom of your BS. She's already Googled you on the first date so 90% of what you are saying to her she already knows. This isn't being creepy; it's good lookin' out.

33) You may think you are smarter than us but in reality, you aren't and will never be. Call us crazy all you want. 

34) If you order for us, you better know what we like. It's great in theory a man will take over and order your dinner; however with the influx of "fad diets" etc it can be a struggle to know exactly what your girl wants. Best to just let us do it unless you are 110% sure she will like it; better be safe than sorry and trust me, you will be sorry.

35) "The power to have the ability to please a woman is greater than the power to actually do it" I stole this quote from a friend of mine and it's so true. It is very easy for women to tell when you are trying too hard. 

36) We notice when you do little things that are signs of protection. Sleeping closest to the door or sitting where you can see the door are signs you truly care about our well being...or really want to get in a fight.

37) We notice when you STOP doing the little things.........

38) We are more worried about how our body looks to you than you do. You can tell us we are beautiful until you are blue in the face but until we feel comfortable with ourselves, it doesn't have much value. However if you don't reassure us you better believe that has a deep impact...just sayin'.

39) Owning a gun and knowing how to shoot it is incredibly sexy.

40) Don't bring up ANYTHING that  may have a serious emotional toll on us during our "time of the month". This is for your own safety.

41) Random sweet gestures WILL be rewarded.

42) Claiming us is the sweetest thing you can do...but not too soon or not too long. I know we are complicated.

43) We are constantly on the lookout for new girls in your life. If we haven't heard her name and she is contacting you...go go gadget watch.

44) A sweet compliment has a shelf life of .05 seconds. After that, it's back to normal. 

45) Don't ever EVER think the silent treatment will work. It will come back ten fold. DON'T DO IT!

46) We hate when men are critical of other men; just like you are with women.

47) Don't try to pick out her outfit. If you want to get us a present, gift card. We will most likely get offended you don't know our measurements and/or style. 

48) If you don't know our middle name by the second month of're out.

49) We absolutely realize your friends want to sleep with us; and we will push the envelope here and there but will never actually follow through. We want to get a reaction out of you...and for you to get better friends...

50) Don't attempt to ask us our dating history if you haven't divulged yours....

I have a feeling this isn't the last of this list...stay tuned ;)

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