As of late, I have come across friends, and even random, women and men that are having a hard time figuring out the dating game. As much as we all say we HATE games and if it is right it should be easy but here's the deal, it's always a game; no matter how old you are. I have said ad nauseam I give amazing advice but don't take my own; and again, those who can't do teach.
These are questions/situations REAL women and men have come to me with; and I have provided my answers to help navigate this chess game of dating in 2014.
Q) Is it ok for the girl to pay on a first date?
A) No. Never. However, you must always ALWAYS do the fake wallet grab. A couple things about the fake wallet grab; it makes you seem like you don't expect him to pay and is a tell tale sign he is either a good dude or to say bye Felicia. The catch is if he DOES accept your offer you have to be prepared to pay so don't get it twisted. At that point, if he does accept, he's out, move on. Don't push; say "are you sure?" and stop it there. If he is a stand up guy no way is he going to let you pay. UNLESS....you have played "strong, independent, I can do it myself girl" all night. Then, he is probably scared you will lay him out if he doesn't accept.
Q: How long do I wait to contact a girl after the first date?
A) This is 2014 so obviously texting is the standard form of communication. If you had a good time text her that you did have fun after you two part ways. Do not play into the three day rule. Chances are she is over you by then.
Q) Should a guy pick me up?
A) Absolutely not. Unless you know him from a trusted mutual friend. This day and age you never know who these people turn out to be so first and second date, meet him. This is for your safety. For real....and carry mace.. just saying.
Q) What happens if I don't hear from them?
A) This is so ridiculous I can't. If you want to talk to them DO IT! Don't be excessive or too persistent but if you feel like communicating, no one is stopping you. Don't wait for the other one to do it because they may be feeling the same thing.
Q) She never responded to my text. Why?
A) She's just not that into you...sorry bro.
Q) He never responded to my text. Why?
A) He forgot, sleeping. working, working out, with friends, doing laundry, playing call of duty, too lazy to get his phone off the charger...orrrr he's over you.
Q) Should I call a girl to ask her on a date?
A) Yes, she most likely won't answer but it's the thought that counts. Don't leave a voicemail then text her that you called to ask her if she wanted to go out...she will appreciate the effort and the awkwardness is eliminated.
Q) I went out with a guy last week and his friend asked me out this week. Should I go out with him?
A: Quite the loaded question. 1) Who do you dig more? 2) How close are they? 3) Did you sleep with the other guy? 4) Did said friend get the ok from original dater? All these questions need to be answered for consideration of dating a friend of a date. If you're asking this question that means you are contemplating it; ergo that original date didn't do the trick. If it is cool with date number 1 have at it.
Q) When should I introduce him to my parents?
A) When he is sober
Q) What shouldn't we talk about on the first date?
A) Exes, money and your therapist
Q) How old is too old? (girl)
A) If he qualifies for Medicare...too old
Q) How young is too young? (guy)
A) Depends what state you're in...check ID
Q) The guy I've been seeing is constantly on his phone. What should I tell him? It is so annoying!
A) First of all, this is the most disrespectful thing ANYONE can do while on a date. EVERYONE PUT YOUR PHONE DOWN! Unless you have a family emergency; business can wait, friends can wait, especially social media can wait. However ladies, not going to lie from experience 75% of the time he is texting other women. Watch out.
I hope this helps all you struggling daters out there suffering from these issues. There definitely will be a part 2 to this so stay tuned!
A random collection of thoughts on subjects such as sports, current events, relationships, pet peeves etc. Peppered with humor and sarcasm; I write because I have a lot to say. Enjoy and have a laugh on me :)
Monday, June 30, 2014
Monday, June 16, 2014
The Shining Effect: Why Girls ACTUALLY Go Crazy in New Relationships.
All girls go through the "freak out" stage when dating someone new. You like someone a lot and you turn into an utter psychopath anaylizing each and every move, phone call, text, new Facebook friend that is a girl. It's natural and we are all guilty of it; but the problem isn't US (ladies).
I was talking to a girlfriend of mine who had a very similar situation I hear about, and am in, way too often. She was dating, YES DATING, this guy that took her out, on mini vacations, to meet his friends; spent the majority of his time with her. Sounds so sweet right? WRONG. After a month or two of dating, he gives her the ol' "I can't give you what you want, you want to date someone and I don't think I am ready." cliche. Her response: "Ummm is that NOT what we were doing???". Men, listen up because you sure do talk a lot of crap about "crazy girls" but I've said this once and I'll say it again...YOU are the idiots that lead us down the path to crazy; and I am here to tell you you may actually pass up an opportunity to land a quality chick because you can't get it together.
Even the most sane woman in the world can go one flew over the coocoo's nest on you if you treat her a certain way. It is like someone poking you over and over and over again until you can't take it anymore; I like to call it The Shining Effect. For those who haven't seen The Shining with Jack Nicholson, see it it will make perfect sense.
Here is the deal, women are in a lose lose situation when it comes to dating someone new they actually like. We don't want to DTR (Define The Relationship) too quickly because we will look crazy and eventually the guy will do it if it is on that track. We also don't want to play hard to get per-say because we really do enjoy spending time with the guy. I used to be a FIRM believer in not DTR'ing too early but as of late, screw that. Forget the timeline; if you have been spending almost every day with someone doing things couples do...D.T.R.
Ladies it is very easy to understand but for some reason we try to complicate an otherwise elementary concept. Men love their loopholes. When men pull this crap it is the quintessential example of having your cake and eating it too. Why buy the cow right? What is sad, is we know we aren't ourselves, we know we are acting a fool; yet we let ourselves get possessed by a potential suitor's voodoo witchcraft. We will try our hardest to play it cool but we are biologically disposition to be emotional beings; ergo...we turn into a scene from Girl Interrupted. From a personal stand point if I'm dating a guy I will turn into Suzie Homemaker...shocker I know. I will make dinner, clean, take you to sporting events, do your laundry, drive you to the airport at 6am, help you freakin' move #basketcase. The men that take advantage of this clearly don't appreciate a good/down chick and/or do not care.
Men, if you are treating a girl like your girlfriend, why in God's name does it come as a shock to you when they get upset or act in ANYWAY like a girlfriend would? Are you really that ignorant? Dumb question...moving on. Trust me, women are well aware of your BS, but put up with it because that glimmering hope you give us overrides our common sense. When they say "love is blind", that doesn't even cover it; love is blind, deaf AND dumb.
This leads me to unsolicited advice for my girls and you idiot dudes. Girlfriends, let's be real, guys like games and if you want to play ante up. If not, don't. Plain and simple. Say what you feel. If you are anything like me with the gift of gab you won't let it go until you get a satisfactory answer. **Please note: that may never come and I learned from my gay, who is seriously the strongest person ever when it comes to this; to just shut up and let it go.
For you men, do not, I repeat DO NOT treat a girl like a girlfriend if you have zero intention of that happening. Don't let her meet your friends, share intimate getaways together, spend every day together. In all reality if a girl does go cray cray that means she actually gives two you-know-whats about you and cares what you think. She cares enough to make sure she doesn't do anything to hurt your feelings so show homegirl the same respect. I give MAD props to the dudes that have straight up told me, "Look, I am really concentrated on my career but I love hanging with you.", right off the bat. If the girl is smart she will get it and make a decision then and there. Don't lead her to believe something that in YOUR head is completely outlandish and false as your actions say something 100% different.
All women are different, some may legitimately be nutso; but the majority aren't. One tangible way to judge is if your friends like her. You think they have a good judge of character they're your friends so trust them. The next time you meet a girl and want to see how far you can push it; be careful because you will either create a monster, pass up a great girl OR get a certified looney toon; and that will probably not bode well for you.
And ladies, they will regret it...they always do..... :)
Sincerely,
Disoriented in Dallas
I was talking to a girlfriend of mine who had a very similar situation I hear about, and am in, way too often. She was dating, YES DATING, this guy that took her out, on mini vacations, to meet his friends; spent the majority of his time with her. Sounds so sweet right? WRONG. After a month or two of dating, he gives her the ol' "I can't give you what you want, you want to date someone and I don't think I am ready." cliche. Her response: "Ummm is that NOT what we were doing???". Men, listen up because you sure do talk a lot of crap about "crazy girls" but I've said this once and I'll say it again...YOU are the idiots that lead us down the path to crazy; and I am here to tell you you may actually pass up an opportunity to land a quality chick because you can't get it together.
Even the most sane woman in the world can go one flew over the coocoo's nest on you if you treat her a certain way. It is like someone poking you over and over and over again until you can't take it anymore; I like to call it The Shining Effect. For those who haven't seen The Shining with Jack Nicholson, see it it will make perfect sense.
Here is the deal, women are in a lose lose situation when it comes to dating someone new they actually like. We don't want to DTR (Define The Relationship) too quickly because we will look crazy and eventually the guy will do it if it is on that track. We also don't want to play hard to get per-say because we really do enjoy spending time with the guy. I used to be a FIRM believer in not DTR'ing too early but as of late, screw that. Forget the timeline; if you have been spending almost every day with someone doing things couples do...D.T.R.
Ladies it is very easy to understand but for some reason we try to complicate an otherwise elementary concept. Men love their loopholes. When men pull this crap it is the quintessential example of having your cake and eating it too. Why buy the cow right? What is sad, is we know we aren't ourselves, we know we are acting a fool; yet we let ourselves get possessed by a potential suitor's voodoo witchcraft. We will try our hardest to play it cool but we are biologically disposition to be emotional beings; ergo...we turn into a scene from Girl Interrupted. From a personal stand point if I'm dating a guy I will turn into Suzie Homemaker...shocker I know. I will make dinner, clean, take you to sporting events, do your laundry, drive you to the airport at 6am, help you freakin' move #basketcase. The men that take advantage of this clearly don't appreciate a good/down chick and/or do not care.
Men, if you are treating a girl like your girlfriend, why in God's name does it come as a shock to you when they get upset or act in ANYWAY like a girlfriend would? Are you really that ignorant? Dumb question...moving on. Trust me, women are well aware of your BS, but put up with it because that glimmering hope you give us overrides our common sense. When they say "love is blind", that doesn't even cover it; love is blind, deaf AND dumb.
This leads me to unsolicited advice for my girls and you idiot dudes. Girlfriends, let's be real, guys like games and if you want to play ante up. If not, don't. Plain and simple. Say what you feel. If you are anything like me with the gift of gab you won't let it go until you get a satisfactory answer. **Please note: that may never come and I learned from my gay, who is seriously the strongest person ever when it comes to this; to just shut up and let it go.
For you men, do not, I repeat DO NOT treat a girl like a girlfriend if you have zero intention of that happening. Don't let her meet your friends, share intimate getaways together, spend every day together. In all reality if a girl does go cray cray that means she actually gives two you-know-whats about you and cares what you think. She cares enough to make sure she doesn't do anything to hurt your feelings so show homegirl the same respect. I give MAD props to the dudes that have straight up told me, "Look, I am really concentrated on my career but I love hanging with you.", right off the bat. If the girl is smart she will get it and make a decision then and there. Don't lead her to believe something that in YOUR head is completely outlandish and false as your actions say something 100% different.
All women are different, some may legitimately be nutso; but the majority aren't. One tangible way to judge is if your friends like her. You think they have a good judge of character they're your friends so trust them. The next time you meet a girl and want to see how far you can push it; be careful because you will either create a monster, pass up a great girl OR get a certified looney toon; and that will probably not bode well for you.
And ladies, they will regret it...they always do..... :)
Sincerely,
Disoriented in Dallas
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