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Monday, June 16, 2014

The Shining Effect: Why Girls ACTUALLY Go Crazy in New Relationships.

All girls go through the "freak out" stage when dating someone new. You like someone a lot and you turn into an utter psychopath anaylizing each and every move, phone call, text, new Facebook friend that is a girl. It's natural and we are all guilty of it; but the problem isn't US (ladies).

I was talking to a girlfriend of mine who had a very similar situation I hear about, and am in, way too often. She was dating, YES DATING, this guy that took her out, on mini vacations, to meet his friends; spent the majority of his time with her. Sounds so sweet right? WRONG. After a month or two of dating, he gives her the ol' "I can't give you what you want, you want to date someone and I don't think I am ready." cliche. Her response: "Ummm is that NOT what we were doing???". Men, listen up because you sure do talk a lot of crap about "crazy girls" but I've said this once and I'll say it again...YOU are the idiots that lead us down the path to crazy; and I am here to tell you you may actually pass up an opportunity to land a quality chick because you can't get it together.

Even the most sane woman in the world can go one flew over the coocoo's nest on you if you treat her a certain way. It is like someone poking you over and over and over again until you can't take it anymore; I like to call it The Shining Effect. For those who haven't seen The Shining with Jack Nicholson, see it it will make perfect sense.

Here is the deal, women are in a lose lose situation when it comes to dating someone new they actually like. We don't want to DTR (Define The Relationship) too quickly because we will look crazy and eventually the guy will do it if it is on that track. We also don't want to play hard to get per-say because we really do enjoy spending time with the guy.   I used to be a FIRM believer in not DTR'ing too early but as of late, screw that. Forget the timeline; if you have been spending almost every day with someone doing things couples do...D.T.R.

Ladies it is very easy to understand but for some reason we try to complicate an otherwise elementary concept. Men love their loopholes. When men pull this crap it is the quintessential example of having your cake and eating it too. Why buy the cow right? What is sad, is we know we aren't ourselves, we know we are acting a fool; yet we let ourselves get possessed by a potential suitor's voodoo witchcraft. We will try our hardest to play it cool but we are biologically disposition to be emotional beings; ergo...we turn into a scene from Girl Interrupted. From a personal stand point if I'm dating a guy I will turn into Suzie Homemaker...shocker I know. I will make dinner, clean, take you to sporting events, do your laundry, drive you to the airport at 6am, help you freakin' move #basketcase. The men that take advantage of this clearly don't appreciate a good/down chick and/or do not care.

Men, if you are treating a girl like your girlfriend, why in God's name does it come as a shock to you when they get upset or act in ANYWAY like a girlfriend would? Are you really that ignorant? Dumb question...moving on. Trust me, women are well aware of your BS, but put up with it because that glimmering hope you give us overrides our common sense. When they say "love is blind", that doesn't even cover it; love is blind, deaf AND dumb.

This leads me to unsolicited advice for my girls and you idiot dudes. Girlfriends, let's be real, guys like games and if you want to play ante up. If not, don't. Plain and simple. Say what you feel. If you are anything like me with the gift of gab you won't let it go until you get a satisfactory answer. **Please note: that may never come and I learned from my gay, who is seriously the strongest person ever when it comes to this; to just shut up and let it go.

For you men, do not, I repeat DO NOT treat a girl like a girlfriend if you have zero intention of that happening. Don't let her meet your friends, share intimate getaways together, spend every day together. In all reality if a girl does go cray cray that means she actually gives two you-know-whats about you and cares what you think. She cares enough to make sure she doesn't do anything to hurt your feelings so show homegirl the same respect. I give MAD props to the dudes that have straight up told me, "Look, I am really concentrated on my career but I love hanging with you.", right off the bat. If the girl is smart she will get it and make a decision then and there. Don't lead her to believe something that in YOUR head is completely outlandish and false as your actions say something 100% different.

All women are different, some may legitimately be nutso; but the majority aren't. One tangible way to judge is if your friends like her. You think they have a good judge of character they're your friends so trust them. The next time you meet a girl and want to see how far you can push it; be careful because you will either create a monster, pass up a great girl OR get a certified looney toon; and that will probably not bode well for you.

And ladies, they will regret it...they always do..... :)

Sincerely,
Disoriented in Dallas

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