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Thursday, October 31, 2013

A Girl's Guide to Football: As Told by a Dude Bro

A lot of women love football; but how many of you get seriously confused during a game? I am going to break down a few basic things about the game for women to understand football a little better. I will address a few things you may be a bit confused about but is necessary information to know while watching a game with a dude; especially one you may be trying to impress ;).

1) There are 11 active players on the field.

2) There is more than 1 designated “Kicker”. The Kicker’s job is to kickoff, make the extra point and kick a field goal. The Punter who drops the ball and kicks it after the offense did not score and/or in field goal range. This guy is normally NOT the same guy as the kicker.

3) There are 4, 15 minute quarters in a game. After the second quarter is done; halftime.

4)A touchdown is worth 6 points. The “extra point” is made by the kicker. That is where the 7 comes from.

5) When you see a running back (dude with the ball the QB just handed him) run into a bunch of big dudes and think, “why did he just do that? He should have gone AROUND.” Well he can’t because that was the play that was called and the defense was able to see that.

6) Running back=one that runs with the ball. Receiver, or Wide Receiver=the one that catches a pass thrown by the quarterback. Tight End=dudes with nice butts...just kidding...kind of. This guy is used to block the defense but can also receive that ball. Usually a bigger, lean looking guy. Also, "line of Scrimmage" is where the players bend down to start the play.

7) 3 and out means the defense successfully stopped the offense from scoring and/or making another 1st down to continue their possession and possibly score. A "Down" is where the refs deem the ball down. There are 4 downs in a "set";if the offense can't go far enough to get another 1st down after 3-4 tries... They OUT sidenote: Unless the offense is really close to scoring or getting another 1st down, or being coached by Mike Leach, they will most likely punt after the third down.

8) If you wonder why they choose to give the ball to the other team when they have one more try, it is because if they try again on the 4th down and DON'T succeed, the other team gets to start out closer to the opposing teams end zone. A punt allows the offense to try to get the opposing team to start as far back as possible.

9) A "Pick 6" is when a ball is intercepted and run back for a touchdown by a defender.

10) When announcers say “Play Action” it means it is a fake play by the quarterback.

11)When you hear screaming from the quarterback on TV, they are actually relaying what they are seeing from the defense to the rest of the offense. If you hear “Kill Kill!” then more screaming, it means the original play they called isn’t going to work so they need to “kill” it and run another play.

12) That thing on the QBs wrist is a list of plays

13)  In the NFL you must have two feet in bounds and control (not floppin about) of the ball to have a completed pass and or touchdown. In college you only have to have one foot.

14)  It is completely legal to pull a ball carrier’s long hair.

15) Most football players don’t wear cups………..risky business

16)  If a team wins a coin toss and “defers”, this means that they will be kicking off for the other team to receive. In turn, they get the ball first in the second half.

17)  If you are at a game that is being televised and you are wondering why they keep stopping, it is for television time-outs…or commercials.

18) Pass interference can be called on offense and defense. Along the same lines, if someone moves before the ball is snaped it's one of the following:  False start=offense’s fault before the snap; Off Sides=defense’s fault.

19) On-side kick…Usually used if a team is losing and is trying to re-gain possession of the ball again after a scoring play. This is used instead of a kickoff after scoring. It is kicked diagonally and the end goal is for the kicking team to recover; but is risky because if the other team recovers, they get great field position.

20)  There are two parts to the NFL; the American Football Conference and the National Football Conference. These are divided in to 4 divisions; North, South, East and West. I won't go into who is where but Dallas is NFC East, Texans are AFC south.

21) Yellow flag thrown by the refs= penalty. Red flag thrown by the coach= coaches challenge (too long to explain look it up). If a ref throws his hat he is marking the spot he believes the ball was down. Each ref is responsible for a different part of the field; there are 7 of them.

22)  A “Blitz” is a defensive play where extra defenders are used to basically Tonya Harding the QB. So if you see a bunch of men charging the quarterback, that’s a blitz.

23)  The “pocket” is the wall of homeboys protecting the quarterback.

24) The Center is responsible for snapping (throwing the ball under his legs) the ball to the quarterback and then blocking.  #multitasking”.

25) The most common ref hand signals/penalties are: 'Touchdown'' or 'kick is good" Both arms straight up above his head. "Holding" the ref holds his wrist. self explanatory. "Pass interference", ref pushes both arms straight in front of him. He will then say offense or defense in which his arm goes either right or left depending on the call. "False Start" the ref rolls his arms in a circular motion like Tae Bo. "Off-Sides" the ref puts hands on waist. "Incomplete pass" ref waives his arms in front like "nu uh". "Catch", ref pulls both arms down like...a catch. "First down" ref's arm points to the defensive end zone. "Personal Foul", ref's puts arms above his head makes a fist with one then depending on who committed the foul, will point right or left.

26)  Last but not least for my girl Krystal Houle… the hottest QB in the NFL is Mark Sanchez; in college hands down West Virginia’s Clint Trickett. ;)

I could go on and on but this will do for now. If any of you ladies have any questions feel free to ask. For men, I didn't go in to too much detail so I know there is more to a lot of this just FYI. Happy Halloween :)


  1. What Mark Sanchez? You had me this whole post till you put that. Defiantly Aaron Rodgers because he is so sweet looking, laid back, and a good QB! I love reading your posts they always make laugh.

    1. Thanks girl! Well my first love is Tebow butttttt he's not playing so Mark is the runner up for me! Romo used to be but he packed on some LBs!

  2. Great post only 2 things that are off

    #7. 3 and out only occurs when defense is able to successful force offense to punt ball to them after the FIRST three plays of that current drive.
    #11. Not all "KILLS" are created equal some "KILLS" are mere decoys to confuse defense in to second guessing themselves case in point Peyton Manning. (I know its technical and most girls wont get it)

    Other than that spot on!


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