I know ya’ll are probably sick of my unsolicited relationship advice but you’re reading this blog soooo. This subject has come up quite a few times in the last few weeks and I thought I would try and break it down in writing because apparently, no matter WHAT women tell you men, YOU DON’T LISTEN.
How to approach a woman. Sounds easy right? Guys think they have their game DOWN but I am here to tell you, you absolutely don’t. 65% of the time it works 100% of the time right guys? Some of you are on the right track and I applaud those who at least follow some of these rules. I am not guaranteeing if you follow these rules you will automatically take her home and/or find the love of your life because of my literary genius; all I am saying is that you will up that 65% chance to at least a 75% chance. Try it out and see what happens. These are some rules on how to APPROACH a woman when you see a girl you would like to meet in a social setting. Because let’s be honest, who actually meets people at grocery stores anymore?
1) Let me get this out of the way first. If she is not at least somewhat attracted to you within the first 3 seconds of talking to her, nothing you say or do will change her mind. She will take that drink you bought her, smile, may or may not say thank you and walk RIGHT back to her friends. I don’t know why men are so baffled by this concept. “What’d I do, what a B!”. First of all, it wasn’t anything you DID. Second of all, she’s not a B she’s just not that into you so move on. Please read the signs even though that seems to be a difficult task for men; you will know if she is initially interested in at least hearing what you have to say. Take a hint.
2) DO NOT wait for her to come to you. You guys think you’re so fly sittin’ there with your Jack on the rocks; you sip and throw up in your mouth a little because you hate whiskey but you think it makes ladies think you’re “manly”. I will tell you this, unless a girl is trashed, just broke up or going 7th grade style for a friend, she will not approach you. This is your job. You can try the eye sex thing and maybe send her a drink; but in the end, you need to walk up to her. You may think she’s smiling back at you but in reality she is sitting by her friends quietly telling them some creepy guy keeps looking at her. Also keep in mind you must be strategic during the approach; this is for her sake and yours. Wait until she’s alone. If she’s sitting with a bunch of girls you don’t want to make her friends feel bad; not to mention, do you want to get rejected in front of a table of women? Didn’t think so.
3) If you see a pretty girl you would like to talk to, do not use a stupid “line”. Unless you are uber clever and come up with something that is just incredible, keep it simple. Example: NOT GOOD: “Is your dad a drug dealer because you’re dope” GOOD: “Hey what are you drinking? This drink is on me.” Do not start off an initial meeting with some stupid question like “My friends and I have a debate, who was the best Batman?” (even though if she does buy into this, which I would, and says anyone but Michael Keaton…out) This is clever, but regular girls will just think you are weird. Again, if she is not attracted to you, be prepared to spend 5 bucks on a beer and never see her again. You have about a minute window when the bartender is getting the drink and she may still be making up her mind. At that point, it’s crunch time so you better be smooth. A simple “I’m ___nice to meet you” will suffice, ball is in her court and if she is into you; she will then ask you a question. If it is silence from there on, bye Felicia.
4) If she asks you questions back make SURE to respond with a normal answer and ask HER an opened ended question back. Example, Her: “So where are you from?” YOU: “I am originally from Denver but I’ve lived in Dallas for a while, what about you?” DO NOT ASK if she is from Dallas; you could potentially get a simple “no” or “yes” and there goes that conversation. Also, do not tell her your entire life story…remember 1 minute. You will have endure a bit of small talk but if you are witty and confident it will go smoothly.
5) Be confident and act interested. If she goes on about her life story she’s either genuinely interested or likes to hear herself talk. Either way, if you are still into it, act like you care. **NOTE: please do not get offended if she asks what you do for a living. This does not automatically mean she is a gold digger and/or trying to find out your financial stability. She is just making conversation this is a GOOD sign. So stop being so sensitive Kanye…
6) When you pass the minute window and you guys are still talking about things, great; now you know she is interested in AT LEAST talking to you. If you get your drinks and she immediately walks away, ok she made up her mind and she’s over it. Now if you get your drinks and she says something like “It was really nice to meet you but I have to go get back to my friends” that isn’t always rejection. She may actually need to let her friends know she didn’t go MIA. At this point leave it alone. Don’t ask for her number etc. One thing you can do is say something like “It was a pleasure to meet you ___ hope to talk to you again”. OR if you gauge that she is really interested, you can ask her plans for the rest of the night. If she responds “Not sure, probably just hang out here” you have a green light to approach her again; but in a non-stalker way. If her response is “Well my friends want to go to ___bar so we will probably head over there”, your response should be “cool, if you want to get together sometime, let me know”. This is clear cut. She will either get your number or give you hers. If she says “ok yeah I will definitely let you know” she gone.
7) If you get her number (which is essentially the end goal of this meeting) tell her you will shoot her a text so she has yours as well. Do NOT call or text her anymore that night without her initiating the communication. Chances are she is tipsy and so are you; not a good time to ask her out on a real date. Now if she contacts you after asking your plans etc, you’re on your own on how you want to handle that situation and depending on your intentions, if you get the digits, disregard this rule. If she gets your number, you wait. You will absolutely know if she is interested in any sort of relationship if she texts you at all. If no further communication happens that night; text her the next day and tell her it was nice to meet her. If no response you are free to try again that night to ask her plans. If STILL no response, stop. Do not Facebook friend request her even though you probably already cyber-stalked her; and/or “follow” her on any other social networking site. This screams creepy. Checkmate.
8) Last but not least, while during the initial interaction do not bring up the following: Ex’s, religion, politics, how much money you have, namedropping of any kind, the fact she may not be “your type”, and do not ask her age right away. That will eventually come out so don’t mention it until it is relevant to the conversation. The goal here is to be different than every other idiot that hits on her; make her remember you by actually being normal. Subtlety is key.
Oh, and one more thing...REMEMBER HER NAME!!!! If you have to repeat it to yourself 7 times, write it on your hand, tattoo it on your forearm...DO IT! The worst thing a guy can do is forget a girls name. We may forget yours, but you are absolutely not allowed to forget ours...#doublestandard
It is actually surprising how many men think what they are doing works; and it may have once or twice. Don’t try too hard. Women can smell desperation from a mile away…that and a flat bill **cough cough Jamie Novak…Cheers!
Love the list - but I have to disagree on number 3. In my experience the best candidates for real dating are the women who aren't at the bar to pick up men. If they're truly having fun with their girlfriends you can see it in their smile and in the way they communicate with the friend / friends they're with.
ReplyDeleteI that walking up to a women who has friends with her and making it clear that you're interested (in a non-creepy way) is a huge form of flattery. The caveat here, of course, is that for most men it takes quite a bit of liquid courage to walk up to a group of pretty women. So - if you're working on liquid courage you're much more likely to come across as annoying. It's a delicate balance.
Thanks for writing :)
Everyone meets people differently. I don't think meeting in a bar is the best way; but about 80% of my married friends have met their husbands at bars. This also is specific to the "social scene" aka bars...where there's alcohol. Thanks for reading :)
DeleteStumbled upon this blog just wanted to give some feedback on this. All pretty accurate, but I think the main point you are missing is that meeting people at a bar is literally the worst place to start a real relationship. It is awkward for both people and to be honest you are only going to "meet" the guys who are good at bull-shiting, being smooth in a loud bar setting shouldn't be the initial test for a guy to get your attention, it is not a good judge of character. Go to friends' parties, get introduced, join social organizations in the community, be active. Going to a bar and waiting to get hit on should be low on the priority list.
ReplyDeleteWelllll here's the deal. The days of friends matchmaking, going to singles mixers etc are over; especially if you're in your mid 20s early 30s. If that's your scene go for it! Thing is you want to find people with similar interests as you so if ya meet a dude in a bar...you both like bars. Cool. Again it was specific to meeting women at bars and 100% of the women I spoke with, which was a lot, all said these things.
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