Since it is Saturday night and after being in the service industry on and off since 16 yrs old, I figured this was the perfect time for this list…yes, list. Especially because writing makes very little money and I am back in the server saddle on the weekends.
1) Don’t ask the bartenders for some made up shot then get mad when they ask what it is. You made it up…or some other bartender made it up. Chances are they will put whatever they feel like in it and charge you extra for being a jackass.
2) Don’t act like you are better than the employees at the establishment. THEY are working while YOU are drinking. They don’t come into your office and treat you like a minion so don’t do it to them.
3) Don’t cry. You are at a bar. In public. If you feel that lump in your throat, go to the bathroom…or your therapist.
4) Don’t ask how much a drink costs. Trust me, I do this all the time but am trying to stop. Straight up, it makes you look cheap. If you are out you are probably going to spend money…SHOCKER.
5) If you can’t find your card don’t automatically assume the bar lost it. You are drinking, probably hitting on a 4 or worse…who has better odds of losing a credit card here?
6) Don’t go up to the bar and wait then take a million and seven hours to decide what you want. What exactly have you been doing for 5 minutes?
7) Don’t fight. Just don’t. Bars have bouncers that are exponentially bigger than you and the only reason why they aren’t putting you in the hospital is because that is illegal.
8) Don’t pay in change………..
9) If you are at a speed bar NEVER NEVER order a Chilton, Manhattan or Mojito; amongst other complicated concoctions. We have things to do.
10) Don’t order 65 drinks at once. Bartenders legally can only serve two (in Texas) at a time; consider it nice if they give you more.
11) Don’t cross the line when flirting with bar employees. Whether it be bartenders, door guys etc. Flirting is perfectly acceptable; it’s part of the job. However if you sit by their well all night long detouring other patrons; you are costing them money.
12) Don’t ask for free crap. Do you work for free? Neither do we.
13) Don’t act put off if the bar doesn’t have “your’ drink or shot. It’s a bar, with alcohol….find something else.
14) Like at the Zoo, do not touch.
15) Don’t leave zero tip. We remember…trust me.