Monday, August 26, 2013
“What.the.expletive.” These three words pretty much summed up how everyone felt during last nights train wreck that was Miley Cyrus’ VMA performance. That quote was taken straight from a girlfriend of mine who always has a brilliantly unfiltered opinion on hot messes; unfortunately due to the shock and horror of last night, this is all she had.
No, that was not an earthquake you felt at 8:30pm CST August 25, 2013; that was the implosion of Miley’s career and the beginning of the end of the world as we know it. There wasn’t just one moment of unbridled terror during this performance; the entire performance left you questioning what you know is right and needing a shower. What happened to that cute little blonde girl who embodied wholesome we all knew? Well, it’s apparent she shaved that blonde hair right off and “wholesome and cute” are now the antithesis of what Billy Ray’s meal ticket has grown up to be.
Forget the sedated teddy bears that looked like they just took a couple pulls from Lil’ Wayne’s cup backstage, the enormous background dancers and that poor foam finger…that poor, poor foam finger; can we focus on the fact this girl is 20 years old? Yes the performance was strange but if Lady Gaga came out and did that, it would be tame for her. However this is a girl that started out as Hannah Montana, blossomed into the perfect Nicholas Sparks heroin, then hopped on the train to trash city. PAGING BILLY RAY CYRUS AND MRS. BILLY RAY CYRUS… anyone? Bueller? Your daughter is embarrassing herself and you on national television. As if Achey Breaky Heart wasn’t embarrassment enough for the Cyrus clan. Someone needs to reel this girl in pronto before she ends up on the main stage…not the good kind. If she wants to be a D squad stripper while dancing with Molly; fine, just don’t force that crap show upon us.
My question isn’t the decisions Miley made for that performance, it is with the people who SAW that dress rehearsal. Any person in their right mind would watch that and cringe. Did they not want to speak up? Did they speak up then get shot down? Or does everyone around Miley have a contact high? Either way, her publicist should be fired and exiled to bad publicist island where Paula Deen and Lance Armstrong’s publicist are sipping roofy coladas. I also take issue with Robin Thicke. Robin, seriously? A) You probably have syphilis so go get checked, B) she could be your daughter. Would you want your daughter looking like Courtney Love’s spawn on national TV rubbing up on a married man? Didn’t think so, karma’s a bitch though you may want to adopt. Just saying.
All in all I never thought I would say this but Miley Cyrus is exactly what's wrong with society. Everything about last night makes me realize people really are as dumb as I think. The fact this idea for a performance not only got passed through conception, but was carried full term without ANYONE speaking up, is absolutely absurd. I am anxious to see the backlash of this but in the meantime Miley, as we say in the south, bless your heart...