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Monday, August 12, 2013

"The Crazy Test"

Throughout my years as a girl, yes all 28 of them in case anyone had their doubts; I have experienced my fair share of craziness. Both on my side and others’; however lately it seems as though someone put crystal meth in the drinking water down in Texas and everyone is one card short of a full deck. Thankfully this time I am not the one off my rocker.

 I can’t exactly wrap my brain around the fact it takes being an a-hole to get people to knock off the crazy. Do you not hear/see the things you are doing and saying? Some people should legally have to pass a written exam before they can have any kind of human interaction. Men, if you text message a girl 45 times sans response, she is just not into you; and possibly looking into a restraining order. Ladies, if you only talk to a guy on the weekends or past 2am… let’s just say he’s not into you for your witty comments or bubbling personality.

 So, this has all lead me to create a “Crazy Test”. I feel as though people should administer this test before getting into a relationship. Feel free to use this for your own personal use at anytime.

1) Which of the following is NOT acceptable text behavior?
a) 2:00pm “Hey what’s up”
b) 5:15pm “How was your day?”
c) 1:00pm “Hey what’s up?” 1:15pm: “What you doin” 2:45pm: “wanna hang out” 5:00pm “where are you?” 7:00pm: “Ok, guess you’re busy” 8:46pm “So is that a no to hanging out?” 9:32pm: “I guess I should take the hint” 11:04pm: “This bar is raging you should come out” 12:15am: “I want to see you” 1:55am: “Ok guess you are out with another guy” 2:12am “I am going home if you want to hang out” 2:45am: “I really like you and I don’t know why don’t want to hang out” 3:15am: “Fine whatever I’m done” 12:01pm: “Hey what you doing"
d) 11:30am: “Hope you’re day is going well so far!”

 2) In your opinion, after a good date, how long do you wait to reach out to the person again?
 a) 1 day
 b) 1 week
 c) 30 seconds
 d) 3 days

3) Which of the following most resembles your behavior after being dumped?
a) Let the other know you “wish them the best” and move on
b) Cry into your pillow for two weeks then move on
c) Stand outside their window with a stereo over your head playing Bruno Mars “When I was your Man”
d) What’s being dumped?

4) When in a relationship which movie character do you mostly resemble?
a) Noah in the Notebook
b) Patrick Bateman in American Psycho
c) Ron Burgundy in Anchorman
d) Peter Parker in Spiderman

5) How many “selfies” do you estimate you have taken in your lifetime, and posted to a social networking site?
a) 1-10
b) 10-20
c) 20-50
d) I lost count
e) What the hell is a “selfie”

6) Which of the following would you be most likely to do while pursuing a potential mate?
a) Give them compliments and do sweet things
b) Show them your collection of bobbleheads
c) Tell them all about how your last relationship was devastating
d) Send them pictures of yourself…whatever part of the body you find most appealing

7) When someone of the opposite sex (or same-sex depending on your preference) approaches someone you are dating while you’re with them, you…
a) Stand back and let them talk
b) Put your hand on their back or leg and smile
c) Start a bar fight
d) Find the next hot guy/girl to talk to as well

8) If you get to know a person then realize the relationship isn’t going anywhere you let them know by
a) Ignore their existence all together
b) Send them a text saying It’s not going to work
c) Call them and/or meet them and let them know you aren’t feeling it
d) Show up where they are and make out with another person…they’ll get the hint then right?

9) Your last relationship ended because
a) You cheated
b) They cheated
c) You both mutually realized you were better friends
d) Relationship?
e) Other If other, please explain:

10) Have you ever been convicted of a felony/ do you consent to a background check? I will be running one anyway regardless of your consent…
a) Yes
b) No
c) Well I wasn’t convicted

 This “Crazy Test” is the perfect way to gauge whether or not your potential suitor will kill you in your sleep or be relatively normal. Everyone has their moments; but there ARE people in this world that should reside behind padded walls. Ain’t no one got time for that…

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