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Monday, December 16, 2013

It's the Little Things in Life...That Annoy Absolutely EVERYONE



1) Elevator awkwardness. So we are going 29 floors…together; and it’s you and me...alone. Do I start up a conversation? Or awkwardly stand there pretending I'm on my phone? Even though we all know phones don’t work in elevators.

2) Traffic. Especially when you pass the point where it clears and there is absolutely NO REASON for the back up. You end up screaming expletives you didn’t even know you knew.

3) Agreeing with something you know you have to but completely disagree. Whether it be "happy wife happy life", or the entire board at work says yay and you think to yourself “this is stupid” (Vmeeks); but you can’t be “that guy/girl”. So you fake a smile then pull a Clark Griswold when they all walk out. “Kiss my ass, kiss his ass, happy Hanukah”.

4) Wet socks. There is absolutely nothing worse than the feeling of wet socks.

5) Excuses. The majority of people would respect others more by just admitting the truth. Also, 90% of the time everyone knows it’s an excuse. If you DO feel the need to make an excuse, make sure it’s at least plausible. “My grandma died” isn’t only a terrible excuse it kind of makes you look like a terrible person.

6) Jay cutler. Sorry this one is just for me.

7) The in between temperature when you don’t know whether or not to take your jacket off. “I am kind of hot right now, but if I take this off I am pretty sure I will be really cold.” SOMEONE JUST MAKE THIS FRIGGIN’ PLACE A COMFORTABLE TEMPERATURE!!

8) People that will drive in a lane that is merging or the shoulder and cut you off instead of being a nice human being and waiting like everyone else.The feeling of knowing there is absolutely nothing you can do to tell that person to GFT; is possibly the most helpless you will ever feel.

9) When you get 6 text messages from the same person in a row when they could have easily put all of what they were saying in one. If my phone dings and it’s you one more time…. (runs finger across neck with mean mug)

10) Unnecessary yelling. When girls walk in to see other girls and shrieking ensues=please put a knife in my eye.

11) People that take WAY too many pictures. I may actually want to have a conversation with you but instead you are more interested in taking a picture of our non-existent conversation and posting it on social media with the caption “Love hanging out with my friends!”. No, no you don’t you love taking pretend photos and posting them on the internet.

12) When fast food places get your order wrong. Most people don’t check before they leave so you open the bag when you get home, excited to eat your cheeseburger anddddd it’s a grilled chicken sandwich. There are very few feelings in the world as bad as that very feeling. You are not going to go all the way back and if you do you look stupid; so you yell and mope then eat the chicken.

13) When people speak on subjects they know nothing about. You don’t even know the name of the Vice President of the United States; stop acting like you know Paul Ryan’s financial plan. No, he’s not the quarterback for Atlanta, that’s Matt.

14) When other people join a conversation that you are having with someone else and give their unsolicited opinion. This`is an A and B convo bro, so BYE FELICIA.

15) When your phone says 10% then shuts off….um you said 10% which means I have enough time to at least send a few texts and get to a charger and now you totally killed my vibe.

16) When people in the express/self checkout line have more than 20 items… It is CLEARLY stated on the sign 20 items or less; and in case you’re wondering, express means FAST. If you are feeding a family of 10 for the month, get in the regular line.

17) When you just can’t remember something you know you know and you will not rest until you figure it out.

18) When a bar is out of your favorite beverage. You are a bar…this is what you do…get it together.

19) Those adult proof packages electronics come in. I can’t cut you, I can’t tear you, how the hell am I supposed to open you?!?! Chainsaw.

20) People that bring food that smells like crap to eat, at work, on an airplane, in a car etc. I love my ranch Cornuts but I am a respectful so I refrain when around others in a confined area. So please eat your curry garlic shrimp dinner before.

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