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Wednesday, January 8, 2014

10 Ways to Spot a "Don Jon"

So...I have watched the movie Don Jon probably a good 4 times by now and I can't get enough of it. Critics hated it, people said the acting was terrible; however I think it is probably one of the most brilliant movies of all time. The only people that hated it are people that cannot accept the fact they have been duped a time or two by a smooth operator. Before you quit reading let me explain...

Third of all, (I owe this to VMeeks who tells me ad nauseum to "get to the point"); women are MORONS. It is borderline masochism when women fall for men's same ol' tricks; and unfortunately, they work sometimes. It is almost like we want to be hurt so we have something to bitch about to our girlfriends. Truth be told, we either a) really do like you and you can do no wrong, or b) we like the IDEA of you. Either way, this movie has made MANY women, including yours truly, look back and want to slap my damn self for being so dumb. There are a lot of men out there that are just good....they just are. They know exactly what to say and do and no matter how tough you are, there's something about him that makes you want to believe his booshit, booshit, booshit, booshit. Don't worry girls, it happens to the best of us.

In turn, I have decided to write a checklist of 10 things a woman should look for in a guy she thinks may be a "Don Jon". 

1) Does he have an arsenal of cliches such as "good morning beautiful", "you're unlike anyone I have ever met", "Hey baby"...? Yeah let's be real here; if he is truly interested, he is just as afraid as you are so those things will not come out of his mouth until he knows you feel the same. Plus, I am not your baby, babe or baby mama so stop it right now....because it's cute and don't pull that voodoo crap on me.

2) Does he introduce you to his friends AS his "friend" when you have been seeing each other for a while? I would rather you just say my name, if you can remember it, rather than "this is my friend"...

3) Has he ever taken you on a REAL date? Yeahhhh didn't think so...

4) Does his phone blow up every 5 minutes while out (worse yet after the hour of 1 am) yet he never offers up why this is happening? ..self explanatory. He's got a side boo or YOU ARE the side boo.

5) Doesn't want to take a picture with you/untags himself/doesn't accept the post? hmmm think about it...

6)  Does he look at you like he's loved you for years and you've met two weeks ago? Ok, no. He may be into you; but women, you know THAT look and if you are getting that 2 weeks in...Don Jon.

7) This is tricky, but are his social media pictures are 90% with just guy friends? That dude got a BUNCH of chicks he doesn't want to piss off; best move= post pics looking hot but no chicks. Smart move.

8) Is he overly affectionate in private and acting like he has no idea who you are in public? Come on...seriously?

9) Does he go MIA for days at a time?

10) Last but not least does he reassure you constantly/ has an explanation or excuse for everything no matter what you throw at him? He comes packin' heat ladies; he's got something for EVERYTHING.

All in all, we all fall for what we seem to be the perfect guy. Sad thing is, some dudes are just THAT good you can't help it. However what's sadder, you can't play a playa gentlemen; two can play at this game ;)

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