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Saturday, January 18, 2014

Oh, You Think You're Cool Bro? Think again....

After a night of numerous encounters with a toolbox of dudes, I officially realize chivalry is in fact dead in our generation. So, I am inspired to give men some tips on how NOT to be a complete A-hole and how you people should actually treat a woman.

1) If you see a girl standing and you are sitting. GET UP you inconsiderate bastard. She probably has shoes on that she wants to burn they hurt so bad. Let her sit! It blows my mind how many men will let a group of a girls stand when their entire table of GUYS are sitting. Are you joking with this?

2) If you're standing at the bar and you already have a beverage and you see a woman trying to get to the bar; move over! You don't have to buy her drink, you don't even have to talk to her; you won't lose your "spot" I promise you.

3) Do NOT EVER approach a woman and immediately assume she is an idiot. Being condescending will not get you a date; it will get you slapped.

4) Don't compliment her body "parts" unless you actually know her. We don't need strangers saying we have nice breasts; we now think you are a sex offender.

5) Don't be a one-upper. There is nothing worse than talking to a guy and telling him something and he has a "better" something to tell you. Oh cool, you climbed Mount Everest? I was just telling you I went jogging today? slow clap.....

6) Do NOT NOT NOT NOT talk in excess about how hot a woman's friend is TO her. We are already insecure and you talking at length about our obviously gorgeous friend isn't helping. There is a difference in putting in a good word and making a girl feel like she is going to die alone.

7) If a girl makes you mad for whatever reason, don't you dare cuss at her. This is unacceptable and it doesn't make you masculine; you cussed out a chick...cooooooool. You are not a guest on Jerry Springer so don't act like it; unless you really are that pathetic.

8) BE AWARE of chivalrous acts and DO THEM. Open their car door, pull their chair out, open the door for them, let her order first, let her eat the last bite of cake. I know it's 2014 and we let ya'll get away with not doing most of this but this is how it SHOULD be. Chicks want a Prince Charming, not Kanye West.

9) If you are conversing with a chick, do not turn to another girl and start talking to them mid conversation if you two are still speaking. Even if you are over it, be polite and excuse yourself. This is rude. You are rude. STOP IT.

10) Last but certainly not least; do not treat a woman like she is a dime a dozen. She may in fact suck at life but even if she does, you do not treat her that way. You never know the one chick you treat like crap could possibly be the one you were meant to be with; or worse yet, your BOSS one day.

Remember this gentlemen, without women YOU would be nothing. You NEED a woman; you can't birth your own offspring. Women don't NEED men. So get it together men and respect women; and if you are a man who does all of the above, bravo and relay the message to your jerk off friends.


  1. Your writing brings back nostalgic memories of The Sports Guy ('01 to '05), Leveraged SellOut and And the only thing better than your eloquent wit is your superb content.

    Thank you.

  2. Thank you very much! That means a lot!


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