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Tuesday, March 4, 2014

Are you Happy in Life or Nah?

I know “lists” are uber popular right now because society has become too lazy to read actual paragraphs, we need a numbered sentence to pay attention to writing; but I am going against the grain here.

As many of you know, I am an open book. I say everything and anything I feel like saying. Sometimes that gets me in trouble, but most of the time it helps others in some way or another to see how ratchet I actually am. In which makes them feel better about themselves.

My life has been a s*&% show these past few months and this has lead me to numerous times of self-reflection and heavy drinking. Including the realization Disney lied and a dream is absolutely NOT a wish your heart makes. It is a tangible decision your heart and head collaborate...on.(sorry, preposition). During these moments of emotional breakdowns, there is one question that is always at the top of my self loathing, wine induced mental state; and that is, "am I really happy?" The surprising answer to this is always…yes.

I ask myself why “yes”, is the answer to this question when my life is literally figuratively spiraling down the drain. I always come to the same conclusion…I am not settling for anything anymore. I have been chasing a dream for over a year and it has been sacrifice after sacrifice with little to no results fiscally. Although money is essential to your basic needs; the feeling that you are doing something with no regrets is essential for your inner most emotional and mental needs. Anddddd if you have enough money for wine and noodles; you good.

Here is the thing about happiness and self-fulfillment; if you aren't in a place in your life where you feel you are 100% meant to be, you will never be happy. You may be sitting at your desk at your 9-5 looking at the doodles you just created, reading this literary brilliance while procrastinating to start your next mundane task; and I can guarantee you are now asking yourself the same question, “Am I 100% sure I am where I am meant to be RIGHT now?” (Excuse that EXTREME run on sentence mom; and p.s. thanks for reading my stuff finally!J) .

I was asked the most profound question a while back by a very intelligent person that has changed the way I live my life. “If you won a billion dollars in the lottery and never had to work again, what would you do?” Now, many of you would say you would do nothing, or travel or live on a beach. That is all well and good but you WILL get bored so what would you do to fill your time? The person that asked me this life changing question then tells me that my answer to his question is where I need to be, and what I need to be doing, no matter what. **POOF** MIND.BLOWN. The best part about this question is that your answer doesn't always have to be far fetched or what the stereotypical “dream” would be; “Oh I’d be an astronaut”, ok welllll NASA has suspended the space program so let’s go back to the drawing board brah. If you are an accountant and you absolutely LOVE crunching numbers yet others may think that doesn't count as a “dream job”; that’s YOUR dream job and that is all that matters.

Chasing a dream isn't easy. I have LITERALLY dug through trash to eat because I couldn't afford food. I have had to swallow my pride and ask for financial help and I am eternally grateful to those who have helped me (and when I AM rich and famous I will pay back every cent plus give you a house in the Bahamas). I am the busiest broke person you will ever meet. However, my dream of using my unconventional talents in writing, and unsolicited gift of gab is coming to fruition slowly, very slowly, but surely. I actually gave myself a deadline to throw in the towel at the end of February. Just give up and get a “regular” job. Well, after the many amazing people in my life that basically death threatened me if I gave up; I am still going. The encouragement of others means everything in the world to me and I am truly blessed for that. However the fact I am almost 30, basically homeless, broke and single, yet I am still the happiest I have been in a very long time; is a feeling unlike anything else I wouldn't trade for all the money in the world. What if Steve Jobs gave up after everything he went through? Yeah I know...selfies wouldn't exist. #screwed.

My point to this unnecessarily long blog that Ben Johnson probably will not read is to figure out what makes you happy and do it. You will go through hell, you will sacrifice a lot of things; but belief in yourself and unbridled passion will always equal happiness. Always. Don’t be scared to take a risk because regret overrides fear. Always remember you have to speed up to your dreams because they sure as hell aren't slowing down for you.


K…let this “ah ha” blog marinate…you’re welcome. 

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