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Wednesday, April 3, 2013

Red Red Wine You Make Me Feel So Fine...and certifiable

Everyone has their one drink that turns them in to a crazy person. Tequila, vodka waters, milk. Well as much as I love me some red wine; I have recently realized I have to give myself "red wine rules" if I decide to partake in red wine drinking.

I don't really express much emotion good or bad on a regular basis. Nor do I drink very much. However red wine makes me an emotional basketcase. Since I try to only drink red wine if I am at home or at a nice dinner; I rarely go out and stick to it. At least when I am at home my sister is here to talk me down from the ledge and hide electronic devices.
 Well ever since I started my new job I will have business meetings in which people will just get a bottle of "classy" red wine. This is a very bad idea. Not for them of course because I am the most charming person on earth face to face. However in my Matrixesk brain; I am slowly spiriling into emotional unstabbility which does NOT bode well for certain people. It hadn't happend in a very long time, probably because I just have stopped giving a flying crap about people and/or things...thank you NYC. But recently I was one glass away from Angelina Jolie in Girl Interuppted. Even though I will admit I think I was already in a straight jacket...1 more glass not needed. I do love my wine and I usually can control my emotions, or lack thereof, pretty well. However red wine seems to have an arm bar on my sanity. That being said I have come up with my "red wine rules" that may help others suffering from this disorder as well.

1) If you are going to drink red wine, put a limit on 2 glasses. NO MORE
2) If you are going to drink red wine, don't wear waterproof mascara...if you cry you will look like a hot mess
3) Do not drink red wine on a date
4) Do not drink red wine and try to work
5) No sappy movies, books or television shows. This includes talent shows and any other program that makes you realize people are better at things than you.
6) Do not listen to country music
7) Or angry girl music
8) Stay AWAY from social networking sites and/or websites that can drudge up stagnant emotions
9) No emailing...anyone
10) THE MOST IMPORTANT RULE... before drinking red wine delete email addresses, phone numbers (and if you must your facebook/twitter) of people you may effect via the wine induced state. Put your phone down! DO NOT speak to anyone you are mad at, potential suitors, ex boyfriends, men in general. No matter how important the subject you need to address or how logical you think you are being; you are an idiot and need to stop it immediately. You look like a crazy person and this is not the time. GO TO BED.

Everyone makes mistakes, it's only human. These are mistakes I can control and as long as I follow my rules there will be no more victims of my red wine psychosis. We will see!

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