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Monday, February 11, 2013

Advice I Have no Business Giving 5 guys to avoid

Good Saturday my friends! Today’s blog is about relationships.  I am no expert; however I have had about a decade of experience with the good, the bad and the ugly.

WARNING: this article contains cynicism that may not be suitable for all readers. Reader discretion is advised.

I am going to give you what I believe to be 5 guys you should never date.  We’ve all been guilty of dating 1 of these dudes or 1 dude with several of these signs.

The Wandering Eye Guy:  We all know this guy.  If you lose your guy every 5 minutes to the chick walking by with gladiator boats and a mini-skirt, sianara brosef! Ladies no matter WHAT excuse your guy comes up with when you call him out; he wasn’t looking at her shoes or her hair. I have had guys be like “oh man, did you see her face, she had soo much make-up on!” or, “I like her shoes, you should get some shoes like that!” ok first of all, shut-up because that’s all crap. Second of all, those shoes are the ugliest things I’ve ever seen idiot. Guys will look, it’s in their DNA. However, if it excessive and starting to interrupt your very lovely sushi dinner; kick him to the curb.  

The Serial Dater: This guy can’t even keep count of his dating track record.  He jumps from girlfriend to girlfriend and acts like boyfriend of the year to each girl until he gets tired of her.  If you begin to date a guy who mentions the words “my ex” within the first 2 hours, that’s a red flag.  This is when guys should come with resumes, or a car fax.  He should have to explain his dating history starting with the most recent, how long they dated, and reason for leaving.  Also provide a contact number and explain any gaps in relationship periods. This is your classic commitment-phobe. He will act like he’s ready to settle down and take care of you and only you; and he will, until he sees something else he likes.

The guy who watches more reality shows then you: “OMG did you see what happened on Keeping up with the Kardazzzians last night?!” ok, this SCREAMS gay guy, but I can’t hate too much because my dad loves his reality shows.  However at this age, if a guy can tell you the top 10 of American Idol in order from season 1-now, there’s a problem. If we have established the fact he is straight; dude either a) doesn’t have a job, b) lives in a fantasy world c) is a big fat vagina or d) all of the above.  In many cases, lack of intelligence is the reason for this unfortunate disease.  If all you do on a date is talk about Dancing with the Stars and Survivor, means you have no opinions on current events, which in turn lead to a boring conversation and excessive alcohol use during the date.  Ladies he may seem cool because he can name all your favorite past characters from Laguna Beach, but let’s put that guy in the “Just Friends” category shall we?

The Aspiring Musician/athlete:  This is a touchy one for some girls.  This is a TYPE for many women so if you find this ridiculous, um I don’t care.  This guy is all about his music or sport.  He may like to have a little somethin’ somethin’ from you now and then, but you will never be at the top of his priority list until he signs with RCA records or the Patriots. You will ALWAYS take a back seat to his music and/or sport and if you are ok with that, date away! Personally, I like to hear you sing but after the 800th time hearing “I’m Yours” by Jason Mraz, I’m over you and that song. As for athletes, I am trying to kick that  habit (pun intended) I am on the 5th step to recovery.  If he plays gigs, he has experienced some female fans.  He ain’t seen nothing yet and believe me this guy WILL take advantage of this at some point so keep your eyes pealed idiot girls who date this guy. Annnnd like I step at a time.

The Party Boy: You know this guy. Every time you go to the club this guy is front and center poppin’ bottles of Andre with his shirt unbuttoned winking at everything that walks by. He loves to be the center of attention and act like he’s big ballin’ when in reality he’s a waiter and goes to community college. He’s everywhere, even two places at once. You wonder how he teleported himself so quickly to the next bar. He mostly dates the younger girls because they don’t know any better. This guy is immature plain and simple. His partying ways are just a cover-up to his otherwise unbearable insecurity.  One day, hopefully, he will grow up and realize Kentucky Deluxe and ecstasy isn’t filling that void anymore and get a real job and clean up his act a little.  As of now however, stay away from this Rico Suave..

That’s all I got for you today! Take these into consideration my lady friends!  If you have any questions or comments please feel free to post! Until next time!

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