Idiocracy

I hope all you Texas people are still enjoying the 70 degree and sunny weather…you bastards. Well after a good night with catching up with an old friend and seeing the Tree last night; naturally I ended up wondering around the PATH station just to NOT be told it closed at 10. End result $50 cab ride with the Iranian Jeff Gordon that even made my valet guy get his license plate because he hit the curb leaving my building. While he was cutting off cars and running over old lady’s I asked him if he was related to Lindsey Lohan…he didn’t get it.

                So I woke up today thinking brand new day I am going to get stuff DONE! YAY! So I did some work and laundry then finally decided to go to the grocery store. I also needed a mattress pad for the coffin I have been sleeping on for the last month. Actually a coffin would probably be much more comfortable. Anyway I digress. So I make the 3 mile TREK to Target. First of all, my theory at grocery stores is to park as close to the cart return as I can. Well apparently in Jersey, they don’t believe in cart return so people just put them all in a handicap spot. Sorry dude with no legs you’re going to have to park in a regular spot AND roll yourself all they back to the front of the store to get the cart back. Efficiency is not exactly the northeast’s strong suit. Second, I always ALWAYS get the cart with the bum wheel and due to the lack of cart return “returners” there weren’t many to choose from. Come on Obama I thought you were gunna create jobs!  I eventually got used to the constant eeeeeeeeeeeeek sound though.  So I went with a list but of course I don’t follow it. I realized I needed gloves because once again I lose just one? Anything that comes in a pair I should never own because I have one of everything and the magic sock, earing, glove fairy steals the other. So I go to the glove isle, $15.99 for a pair of gloves…that sounds reasonable?  I get them anyway because there are two things I will never be frugal with; anything that keeps me away from cold, and my hair color. I grab most of the items I need, plus a pine scented candle because it smelled like Christmas. As I am walking through the last isle and this lady has her cart in the middle of isle while diligently examining the back of a Chef-Boyardee can (why anyone would even bother researching nutritional value on canned ravioli is another story) I say “excuse me” and SHE moves…umm yeah you are not the issue here ma’am it’s the HUGE frickin’ cart that’s blocking me from getting to my noodles! So I had to move her cart so I could get by and she gives me a grunt. WHAT IS WRONG with these people!!? It’s your world Lecreshia, it’s your world. Finally I am done and as I am walking up to the counter through two little kids singing "Gangam Style"  a lady with her future purchase of a HIDEOUS blue suitcase (not the point but just thought I’d mention that) suddenly just STOPS to mess with the zipper. I had to slam on my bum wheel brakes which sounded like a dying cat and clipped the back of her foot by accident. I have only seen someone look at me like that once when I said “Jesus Christ” to my dad when I was 13. I sprinted by before she could cast a spell on me or something. 

                And we are finally at the counter, gal scans and scans my items having to periodically put on her glasses to read the computer screen to push the right button. We get to my apples $7.99 for 3 apples. Um no. So I said “Ma’am that cannot be right” unless we have reached the fiscal cliff of apples, this is not correct.  So I am thinking she must be new because she called a supervisor for a price check. She ended up pushing a button which she thought voided the other 30 or so items she just took 15 minutes to scan. This made me think about all the people striking and complaining about working for minimum wage…this is why you are working for minimum wage.Sorry.  Anyway, I told her just forget about it and move on. She kept scanning the rest of my items while the screen was red and not taking anything in. This is the one and only time I will shut up. She scans my mattress pad “Oh my gooossshhh why isn’t dis scannnnning!?” does it three more times then it works…great. So I swipe my card to pay out….”Approved thank you for your purchase” cool get me out of here. “Um it didn’t go through can you scan your card again” “Ok but the last time I did this ya’ll charged me twice” she replies “Oh um well don’t worry about that” so I do it again, press ok. “Still didn’t go through do it one more time” ughhh so I did it. Well by this time she has shut her light off and calls her supervisor BACK over. I told her it said approved but apparently fell on deaf and blind ears. While she was talking to her equally as educated supervisor I checked my bank account. THEY CHARGED ME $213 SIX FREAKING TIMES….They made me call my bank, finally got it figured out and gave me 5 $3 off my next purchase coupons. Although those coupons just paid for my gloves, it is not worth doing this EVER again. I might have been better off AT Wal-mart, at least you know what you’re getting in to and can be thoroughly entertained.  

                Moral of the story is people are idiots. Common sense is not common and I will now do what everyone here has told me to do and have my groceries delivered…

Until tomorrow I am sure…adios idiots