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Monday, February 11, 2013

Taking a Stand...Then Kicked in the Throat

As I sit here in the airport getting ready to go pick my life up ONCE again; I start to think about my failures in life. There are oh so many. Relationships, jobs, a body suit I bought at American Apparel. I wish I could grab a beer right now to kick off my pity party. However one can't help but wallow in self pity after perpetually sucking at everything they attempt no matter what the task. I used to think I was pretty much good at everything; the Lance Armstrong of 20 something women. Yeah well we all know how that worked out for him. But unlike that scumbag, I have a moral compass which in turn has been the ironic common denominator in my failures. Is cheating, lying and stealing really the only way to get ahead these days? I mean Manti Te'o had to make UP a dead girlfriend just to get people to notice him. Yeah, yeah I know Notre Dame fans "he didn't know" Lets face it, he was good but he would have never been that big of a deal if he didn't have to overcome fake adversity. I can barely lie about my phone number when randos ask me for it at a bar. Sidenote, I really need to stop doing that. If "Craig Blue Shirt" is reading...I'm just not that into you, sorry. My most recent failure was just like all the rest. After much contemplation and watching a Paquio fight on tv, I decided to speak up and stand up for what is right. My mother always taught me to stand up for what you believe in; unless you're a democrat, then you sit down and shut up. Well my strong will lead me to unemployment. Thanks strong will you owe me a glass of wine and an apology. In every single aspect of my life I am always a doormat. I bitch and moan a lot more than a doormat though. Being a doormat definitely has a special place in my relationships be it that every boyfriend I have ever had has cheated on me. I really am the normal, less hot, more broke Jennifer Anniston. Instead of making crappy movies I get laid off from jobs. I don't know why people think it's ok to be a douchebag and/or sit there and bask in others' douchbagery. This needs to stop. BE REAL. It's really not that hard unless you just really are terrible at life; then it might be a bit of a struggle. Maybe I need to stop dating idiots or doing jobs I tolerate. This is the exact reason I need to start my own business. Although I do lie to myself A LOT, I wouldn't be able to steal from myself. That would just be counterproductive. So what will I do you ask? I've narrowed it down to sports agent, phone sex operator, or starting my own entertainment website. We will see what happens but I will ALWAYS stand up for what is right no matter what and will never let someone take advantage of me. Unless you're Tim Tebow or Justin Timberlake then you can pretty much do whatever you want to me. Just be a good person, or even a pseudo alright person. If that is too difficult, date a Kardashian...

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